Kevin Stafford 0:01
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of the conversations with Coach’s podcast. As you can probably tell, I am delighted to speak with another coach again. This time I have Stephanie forgot back and we’ve been chatting for, for a while about the weather and about family and about technology and headphones. It’s just an absolute delight to talk with her again. And so let me re introduce you to her and then we’re just gonna go back and forth for a little while. I hope you enjoyed it the first time, you will definitely enjoy it this time. So holding a degree in applied neuroscience coaching is one of the reasons why I love her and a master’s degree in cultural business management. Stephanie has been a potential catalyst for more than a decade, she has supported many individuals and businesses in achieving their goals. Her goal is that every person can bring the best of herself to the role that suits her. In our last talk, we chatted about Stephanie’s early experiences as she was becoming a coach, in particular how athletes transition to the next phase of life after their competitive sports days are over, which is a huge challenge. And the passion she has in her service as a guide for people looking for that next piece of their life’s puzzle, which is a phrase that was quite taken with Stephanie. Thank you for coming back. I am delighted to chat with you again.
Stephanie Bergot 1:13
Thanks for having me again. I was super happy to see your email. I was like, Oh, I’m invited again.
Kevin Stafford 1:21
I mean, jealously, it’s one of the things I get to be selfish in service of a grander goal is I just get to like, keep asking interesting, fascinating, really great people to talk to me.
Stephanie Bergot 1:33
I’m doing the same thing in my podcasts. And I think it’s a real privilege to be able to be to people that see really
Kevin Stafford 1:39
is it really is and I just love that we get to get to share, like give people a little a little, a little fly on the wall. sort of perspective on what a coaching conversation can be like, I think it’s great. I think you’re great. How has your 2023 bins so far, one of the first things we chatted about when we first got on was how January 2023 just evaporated before our eyes, it just came and went so fast, but like not in a bad way in a way that we were very, very busy, very productive, lots of great things happening. And then we just looked up and all of a sudden, when we’re recording this, we’re already a week into February. So tell me how your year has gone so far.
Stephanie Bergot 2:16
Very, very good. I well, I don’t know what you do at the end of one year, and at the beginning of the other one coming. But I have like a ritual I now do. Like I’ve been doing reviews of the past year and objective for the new year for the last 14 years. So now I’m able to track every single year. That’s super fun. Like at the beginning, it was just to give me like, Okay, what did I love from the past year? What did I dislike? And what do I want to do with it? And what do I want to improve and in which manner and so I’m I’m doing what we call a wheel of life, it’s one of the tools coaches use often. And the first one I used was one I found and they were on this, like from one to 10 How much would you give to your family life, your personal life, your contribution, your sports, your health, your whatever. So this one as seven thing and for the years after I you can change all those assets every year if you want. I decided to keep a lot of them like L family couple contribution, carrier money and missing one friends, friendship, and Arby’s. So those are the one I keep every year, but sometimes their stuff I really want to put in late and say okay, this year, I want to work for example on for example, sharing more, so I’m going to put a line and I’m going to do sharing more. And so I say one is it’s not good at all, and then it’s perfect. We never want to get to 10 because if everything’s that then you may die tomorrow and there’s nothing left to do. So I’m never at 10 on anything. I’m some are at eight or nine, but all of them as things I could improve and I would like to improve. So I do this every six month the wheel of life. So like that at the end of the year. I look at where I’m at. And I look at what what are the amazing thing I did in the past Hear that I love and I’m proud of, and what are the thing I would like to improve and how, and even if something is at four on 10, it might not be the thing I want to put time and energy on it this this year, like, for example, your couple your your family life or your romantic life might be the thing you think, would be a priority for you this year, even if it’s at eight and 10. Because you want to push it to something else, because your kids are leaving home and you know, it’s gonna be a big change, because so I love this because it gives you it gives you a lot of flexibility to choose whatever you want. And like that, and like Okay, so in the past year, I’m proud of this, I would like to improve it and how would I be doing this. So I put objective or now it’s it moved from real objective to vision, because sometimes I feel that objective or putting a ceiling on your capacity or abilities. So I’m much more open on the vision I want. So I started the year by doing that now. And I’m doing like a funny thing with images. And so it grows the fort. First years, I was doing the wheel of life, the description and the objective. And then the year had passed. And I’ve been very used to do that. And it been ritual. Now I added some stuff. So sometimes I do most of the time I do a visual board, like to see where I want to go. And now for the past two years, I’ve done an insight board. So I look at all the pictures I’ve taken in the last year on social media in my family account and everything. And I choose like, for example for 2023. And it’s Milania and Leia, which is a coach I followed that talked about this two years ago, and I felt it was fun, because she said you are having a vision board. And so you’re always aiming to get better or do you have something else but we rarely do the exercise to look behind to see the part we have done to get here. And she says, do an insight board and you’ll see your inside board might look like a vision board you had a couple of years ago were a vision board somebody else would like to have now. So I was like okay, I’m gonna try the exercise. So now it’s been it’s been the third year or the second year I’m doing it and it’s fun. Last year one of my one other thing I figured out I was like I’m not taking enough picture. Because I was like there’s many many days but I’m like, Okay, I haven’t documented right the thing. So this year I’ve done a lot of picture and it’s super fun because the inside board serves you to see what was amazing. So remember, for example, the traveling the family stuff, the job you landed, whatever, whatever you want. Also some teaching, like for example, okay, we went in Florida, it was super fun, but we had difficulties with the car and so next time I’m going to make sure I plan better. Okay for example. So looking at those picture, I do a board with it. And aside for 2023 I did 23 insights. So some are I love spending time with my family. That’s one of the most important thing and sometimes with the work with the business and everything you’re like in early for many things and you forget so first thing okay I love spending time with family when I look at the picture, those are always great moment and it’s super fun. Okay, perfect. Second insights. I spent time with only friends I went to California for a week with my best friend she turned 45 And we went there three girls. That was very fun to do. Back again and again. Those are insights and some are like reminding stuff, some are learning stuff, some are putting light on something you’ve done but you will often forget like for example spending time with yourself or recording yourself precious time or activity so it’s super fun. So I started the year like that. So my first year of January is finishing those activities I love and now I do them with my kids and my husband and the the take images of stuff and so it became with yours a fun activity but they’re able to project themselves in something they want to do want to become when experience. So it’s super fun. So after I’m like, Okay, now that I have this vision of what I want to do, yeah, how am I going to implement this? Because sometimes it’s like, yeah, super fun. And you’re you’re getting to April and you’re like, Oh, I haven’t started yet. So now the second that third, like January helped me put some basics, like, Okay, I’m gonna do this, for example, I wanted to, I’ve always been training and moving and everything, but I want to go back to sports. We were talking about that last time. I am. Yeah, I love sports. So one of my friends invited me for to boxing. And it’s like, black light. Big music, boxing group activities, like a bit like spinning sometimes. And it’s super fun. So I loved it. It’s super quick. 45 minutes. So I love it. i It’s very good for anger issues and everything. That’s perfect to release all this stress in your edits. So I loved it. I like Okay, perfect. I’m gonna go three times a week. So this morning, I started my day seven in the morning boxing as like, okay. So it starts your day like you’re,
Kevin Stafford 11:24
you’re putting, you’re putting the energy out there to the world getting getting riled up, maybe getting some of the excess, whatever it happens to be out, maybe you’re putting a picture of somebody you don’t like on the heavy bag. And
Stephanie Bergot 11:35
and sometimes, for example, I want to spend more time along with my husband, we have three children, so you know, it can get difficult. So we have an anniversary, we it’s gonna be 16 years, we met in March, and it’s gonna be 10 years. We’re married during summer. So in January, we already book like, three days away. So we know two times it’s gonna be done. And we’re trying to do so once a trimester. So the other two, we’re gonna be able to place it whenever it feels, and if it’s, so I’m making sure that you remember, I was saying I have priorities. So like, there’s three, mostly three or four main thing I want to work on. I’m making sure those are gonna happen, because it’s already settled. It’s already reserved, it’s already booked. It’s like, for example, I already booked three times this week. So I know, I have this morning, like six I was like, Oh my God, but I knew I reserved and my spot was the king. I was like, Okay, get off, you’re gonna go there.
Kevin Stafford 12:54
Power of decision making right there. It’s like once you’ve decided you, you’ve once you’ve committed to it, you don’t have to every morning decide that at 615 or 6am It’s time to get out of bed to go do it, you’ve already decided you’ve committed to it. And so you’re like, alright, let’s really it makes it’s a decision that makes the following decisions easier to make commitments easier to stick to and I feel like the the intentionality with which you wish to approach your year is I’m, I’m admiring of it quite a bit. Because I think you’ve identified rightfully so that it unless you make time for things unless you really see it, plot it out and commit to it. Certain things have a way of not happening. And like, for example, one of the easiest things in the world to do as a you know, parents of three children is to neglect yourselves in your relationship. And so I love that you’re saying you know what? Schedule it book, this time together, we’re gonna celebrate each other together. And making time for that is it’s really the only way to make it happen. Because with three kids and like thriving businesses, there’s just so much going on. It’s way too easy to forget. And so prioritizing it in that way. I feel like it’s such a huge it’s such a huge relief and such a huge additive to your life. It’s like I’ve decided to do this I don’t have to worry about it. It’s done. It’s gonna happen and I’m the things that I care about are gonna be cared for. So many things. Exactly, exactly
Stephanie Bergot 14:18
like that. So we find that caretaker for the kids. We know we’re gonna go somewhere. We go. We plan ahead. We know like, for example, what are we gonna do? What do we what do we feel like doing during this weekend? Okay, well, that are that and that’s super fun. And it evolves across the year. Because you said something very interesting, like being non negotiable. or Now I say do not negotiate with your brain.
Kevin Stafford 14:55
Great point, you’ll usually lose that negotiation.
Stephanie Bergot 14:58
All the time, guys. He wants you to keep safe to stay in your lane. And okay, so I had big dreams. I used to do the one in December, January, and feeling in June, like I let myself down because I haven’t applied or, and sometimes, you know, for example, you want to lose weight or you want to go to the gym or you. I don’t know you want to save money for a special project. But if you don’t start well, it’s Yeah, tomorrow, tomorrow. And sometimes there’s excuses, even if they’re good. It’s still excuses. Yeah, this week it cost me I don’t know, my monitor for the car and Okay, yeah, perfect. But it’s always prioritize. We all have very busy life. Most of us have a busy life. Like, an individual life. romantic life may be a family life, and we were talking about it, you have your kids, but you also have your parent, when you get to a certain age, you want to spend time with them. You have siblings, sometimes you have, you have friends, you have all of it. And sometimes people ask me, How do you do to fit everything in the schedule? Like it’s, honestly, it’s a priority. And it’s now it’s not about quantity, it’s about quality. So no, I’m not able to see everyone every weeks. But instead of for example, watching TV, I had this conversation with my mom a couple of months ago, I was like, I’m gonna come and we’re gonna go for a walk we’re gonna go for do things together. But I don’t feel like watching TV assign a view is quality time. And she was like, Okay, great. No problem. My sister’s loves it. She goes to my mom every Sunday, and they watch like the voice or stuff like that. And she loves it. And it’s perfect. So you build the, the habits or the you want to build. So when I was a bit younger, feeling a bit disappointed of not reaching those goals are all I told myself, I would move more, but I didn’t. And I understand. Well, at that time, I understood that. If you start by and it came back to what we said last time, it’s one step at a time. And sometimes those steps are very, very small. For someone who’s never moved or never went to the gym. If you start by saying I’m going to go seven days a week, I’m going to make sure I eat properly, I’m going to stop sports with smoking, stop drinking stuff. And I know people love intensity, some personality more than others and but I mine especially. And I realized that when it’s all out, instead of gaining, I’m losing because like I tried to do everything at the same time. So now I prioritize three or four things every year. And the funny part is now that I do that, I’m often able to get to five or six done. Because for example, boxing in my priorities is spending time with my friends and doing sport. Sometimes I do both at the same time. I invite you, for example to a boxing class, and we have fun and you invite me to swimming. And so we’re doing things differently and it answer many leads. So I love January and when I get to the beginning of February now, and I’m looking back and I’m saying okay, yeah, you you kept on track you share with people what were your goals, and people are asking you so are we in or not? I’m like Yeah, yeah, yeah, we’re in. So yes, we’re having fun.
Kevin Stafford 19:17
Oh, this reminds me so much of one of my favorite visual metaphors, I’m gonna, I’m probably gonna do a bad job of describing it because it’s really it’s one of those things where if you see it, it makes perfect sense, but I’ll try to describe it as shortly as possible. It’s basically you have a collection of rocks and you have like a bag of sand and you have a jar or a container or some type some kind. And the goal is to get as much of everything into the container as possible. And so when you put the sand in first and then you put the rocks on top, and then you end up filling it up very quickly and there’s not a lot of room left and you can’t get everything in there. But if you put the rocks in first and in particular the bigger ones first, and then you pour the sand in the sand comes in and fills in all the gaps and you end up being able to fit everything into the container. It’s much more eloquent visually than it is with me saying it. But it really is just long story short about priorities and what you put first. And when you put the right things first, you’re able to fit so much more into your life exactly like you were describing, where things just, it’s it’s hard to learn early on in life, how to trust it, because it doesn’t it doesn’t quite make sense yet when you first encounter it. But again, as you’ve been practicing for what you said, what the last 14 years or so this past year review, future year, kind of intention, setting up whatever you want to call it, as you’ve practiced that you’ve been able to get a much better sense of how you do things, what to prioritize the way in which you can prioritize it. And you have all this data that you could use that you’ve like, Oh, I’ve learned, how I’ve learned not only how I work best, but also to trust the process. And to trust that if I get my priorities lined up, right, I’m gonna have so much more room in my life for all the things that matter the most to me, as long as I make sure I get my priorities right. And I just I think it’s such a, such a beautiful way to live, quite frankly, personally and in business everywhere across the board.
Stephanie Bergot 21:02
Yes, and you were talking and I was one of the biggest thing that goes with that is making choices. Now that I have priority, I’m like, Okay, I know what I want to achieve. And it’s fun thing people are like, sometimes they’re your drill, I’m not drilled, everything is fun. And it’s super fun. I’m just able now to move, spend time with my family, my husband, my friends, and sometimes I have choice to make, and every one as choice to make and sometimes people are like, No, I have no choice. That’s not true, you always have the choice. Sometimes. And often, choices are not fun, because you have to renounce to something else if you choose one or the other. So that’s difficult. But when you do align choices, it’s much easier. Like for example, we were talking about boxing, I told you, like 6am, I was like, yesterday night, I went to bed around 11 or midnight, and I go to bed every night very late. I’m Emma night all. But when you woke up, you wake up at six. Maybe tonight I’m not going to go to bed at midnight. So tomorrow when I’m going to wake up, I’m going to be happier. Because I love a bit more sleep. So it’s a choice. And are you going out with friends? Tonight, maybe. But you already know if you’re going boxing tomorrow morning, you’re going to know that going to bed after a great lunch with some times wine will impact your envy. To go boxing tomorrow morning at six, so you make choice. And so often I do the choice to go to the supper, but they’re already know what it will bring. It’s a conscious choice Yeah,
Kevin Stafford 23:06
to choose, like what prices you want to pay, it’s like I’m going to I know this is going to negatively affect something I want to do tomorrow. But I’m gonna have a good time tonight that I want to have. And it’s like, you know, I’m gonna go ahead and look at it and just decide like, do I want to go ahead and have that and just pay the price, make sure just being aware of the fact that it is going to cost me something I’m happy to pay the price for being alive. I love it. I’ll pay it every day, every every every day I can. And sometimes that’s going to involve being very responsible and knowing like, you know what I really want to show up in my best shape tomorrow morning for that boxing class. So I’m you know what I’m gonna, I’m going to eat my dinner a little bit earlier, I’m going to relax, I’m going to go to bed at like 10. And I’m going to get like a something to get like a solid seven and a half, eight hours sleeping out, maybe I’ll wake up a little bit early. And just like maybe go for a walk or whatever, just to get the blood like little decisions like that, that just pay such huge dividends, just by again, by embracing the fact that you have choices to make. And they’re going to pay out differently as you go through your life. Ignoring that you end up in this place where you feel like you don’t have choices where you feel like everything’s decided for you. That’s something you can take control of you can you can take that back. And great. Like you said, I feel like it’s important to highlight that too. It’s like not every choice that you make is going to be easy or feel very good. So in fact, a lot of them don’t feel very good in the act of choosing. But having chosen it’s I don’t know how to say it better than just try it out. Trust me. It’s it’s it. It’s a life well lift. When you embrace that power that you have every time you can make the choice even if it’s hard, heavy, awkward, messy. Make the choice for based on your priorities.
Stephanie Bergot 24:42
Often stick to it. Don’t be be flexible, but stick to it. For example, if I decide to go for the lunch tonight and I ended up going to bed at one tomorrow morning. Remember what I said at the beginning don’t negotiate with your brain. You said you’re gonna go boxing, you’re gonna go. Because if not, I prefer making, yeah, I prefer making our choices and do the step by step I want, then not doing those choices. And feeling that I I’m not living the life I would like I’m stepping away from what I really want. So, making choices gives you the opportunity to really own what you experience in life.
Kevin Stafford 25:37
Yeah. Yeah, I couldn’t have said it better. I just as a, as a semi responsible podcast host, I just looked up at the clock and realized that we’ve been, first of all, we just been chatting for 45 minutes. It’s just I honestly, I’m looking at the clock. And I think Zoom is lying to me. But I have to I have to respect the truth of that ticking clock, this, I can do this all day with you to be prevented again. We’re gonna do it again. Because I just I not only do I selfishly really enjoy these conversations, and I hope you do too. But I just I think I loved how you just you really just like, opened up the curtain to let us know, it’s like, this is how I’ve structured my life. These are that how I make how I form my habits, the kind of choices I make, why I do it. And it gives people like an insight into the process that goes into it, it kind of under the hood, and maybe see themselves and how that might work for them. And I think that’s just so I don’t know, I think it’s helpful. I hope it’s helpful. I feel like it’s helpful. And so um, I hope so too. It’s hard to let you go, but it’s gonna be really easy to invite you back.
Stephanie Bergot 26:37
Oh, thank you. Yes, sir. I’d be pleased to come back. Thanks so much for inviting.
Kevin Stafford 26:43
Yeah, thank you so much, Stephanie. And thank you to the audience for for listening to this slightly extra long. I mean, at this point, they’re all extra long, because it’s so hard for me to cut these conversations off. They’re so good. So find out more about Stephanie. Where can people find out more about you? Where’s the best place to go LinkedIn? Are you Instagram? Do you have a preferred social media they’re active on website, people can go to
Stephanie Bergot 27:02
Instagram or Facebook. Stephanie Benko. You’re gonna find everything there.
Kevin Stafford 27:07
Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. And I’ll put I’ll put links in the show notes as usual, you know that you know, the deal with podcasts. So yes, yeah. Find out more about Stephanie. Have a conversation with her as you could tell. It’s pretty fun. You learn a lot free delightful. So thank you all for listening, and we’ll talk to you again very soon.
Stephanie Bergot 27:22
Thanks a lot. Bye
