Marshall Stern – Give to Give, Give to Ask | Conversations with Coaches | Boxer Media

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Marshall Stern | Conversations with Coaches | Boxer Media

In our renewed conversation, Marshall and I share our bewilderment at how fast 2023 is progressing – busy and full, but not frantic…which is really the sweet spot. We go on to discuss the vital importance of self-care in making sure you’re able to show up for the people you serve, why it’s crucial to have a proper understanding of what “balance” really means when it comes to work & life, and the exciting new group program that Marshall has coming up in April!

To refresh your memory on who Marshall is, he’s first and foremost a dedicated husband and father. He values family above all else and places the utmost importance on striking a work/life balance for himself and those he mentors.

Over the past 35 years, Marshall has built multiple small businesses and learned first-hand the challenges that most small business owners face. He understands the ups and downs of business ownership and combines this intimate knowledge with his approachable coaching philosophy to develop achievable solutions for those he teaches.

He truly believes that we all have greatness within us and the ability to create the life we want on our terms. As a seasoned business owner, Marshall has seen many businesses that grew and succeeded and others that failed miserably.

Over the years he became a student of business and leadership – looking at what it takes for someone to succeed in their own business. Today, as a business, leadership, and life coach, he is committed to helping others discover their greatness, his success coming from seeing others become the leaders of their businesses and life.

To learn more about Marshall:
https://www.marshallstern.net 
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marshallstern/

Other links:
The Business Inner Circle

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Kevin Stafford 0:02
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of the conversations with coaches podcast. It is me your host, once again, Kevin. And once again, I have the absolute pleasure of welcoming a returning guest. You might remember he was on fairly recently Marshall Stern. I mean reacquaint you in case you forget, he had an episode, I believe, last fall, maybe early winter. And I was excited to have him back. So Marshall is first and foremost, and I love this dedicated husband and father. He values family above all else, and places the utmost importance on striking a work life balance for himself and those he mentors. That’s first in the bio for a reason. I love that. Over the past 35 years, Marshall has built multiple small businesses and learn firsthand the challenges that most small business owners face. He understands the ups and downs of business ownership and combines this intimate knowledge with his approachable coaching philosophy to develop achievable solutions for those he teaches. I love some of the keywords you have there in your in your bio introduction, I It’s why add a little emphasis because I feel like it’s like you kind of feel it’s like oh, that’s the that’s what I’m looking for. That’s what I need. So I’m really happy to reintroduce you. I’m really happy to have you back on the podcast, and I’m pretty stoked to talk to you again. So thanks for coming on Marshall.

Marshall Stern 1:12
Awesome. No, thanks, Kevin. It’s great to come back. I just love our conversations.

Kevin Stafford 1:16
It was really fun. And so let me a little context, we’re recording this here, the dawn of February 2023. I’ve been recording Fast and Furious in January. So this will probably come out in March. So be aware of that as you’re listening. But I mean, most of what we talked about is timeless anyway, at least I like to think I go on a little bit. So my sometimes my rambling can feel timeless, if you know what I mean. That’s a terrible dead joke, but I’m gonna leave it out there anyway. So Marshall, tell me and I guess we’ll start we’ll start with 2023 January having flown by for both of us. How has your your year begun as a coach personally, for your business? What’s what’s new? What’s cooking? What’s, what’s going on so far? And what’s coming soon?

Marshall Stern 1:59
Oh, thank you. That’s a quick question. Yeah, I can’t I talked about this earlier, I still cannot believe it is February. I just it’s the older we get, I guess time flies, time flies when you’re having fun. Let’s just leave it at that. Age is irrelevant. Time flies. And when. But seriously, when you’re doing what you love, which is what we do. And I know your listeners, this is what we love. We just love conversations. We love talking meeting people. I love January, I just love it. I’m not sad to see it go because it’s sort of like a it’s like a birth to rebirth or so many people. I find two year two who like January and September, especially for well for us as coaches but for anyone who works in the b2b space. And I’ve been in that space forever, most of my life. And there’s two starting points for business owners January and September back to school and a new year. I find January the most interesting because, and I know many of your listeners probably have gone through this as well. Like if you have programs. I’m going not really off topic per se but just aside sideways for a second. I have a group program twice a year called Create. Right? It’s group coaching program, small group. The first time I think I ran it or a lot tried to launch it was like first week of January, I’m going to be clever. first week of January, people are going to be just raring to go and whatever problem is. First off, people have the sort of post holiday blues. Then it comes into New Year as like everyone’s like, again, September and January. It’s a new opportunity to new hope. I’ve got goals. I’m fine. I’m gonna rock this year in and you see all these things like make this your best year ever. And I used to be the be one of those guys. problem is most people because most people are so rare to go January. Well, January 1, they might be a little hungover. January 2 are so rare and raring to go that they think they’ve got it. Wait a couple of weeks. So I just started create this past week like January 30. Because it takes a few couple of weeks. That’s fine for people to realize, you know what? Just because it’s the turn of the calendar year. Nothing’s changing for me. Like nothing changes if nothing changes. So I love January because it gives us as coaches opportunity to really a fresh start for us, but also really make a difference for other people who realize at this point, sec. I don’t know what what’s quit date January 17, or something or January 14 17. Somewhere

Kevin Stafford 4:45
around there. Yeah, somewhere around there. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Like

Marshall Stern 4:48
for New Year’s resolutions. A lot of businesses usually last a little longer, but it it’s been a good month. I just love it because again, it’s It allows us to step into really serving. And let’s face December for a lot of coaches are, I wouldn’t say is a write off for maybe enrolling new business, but it’s not the best month usually,

Kevin Stafford 5:18
people are busy, there’s a lot going on in everybody’s lives. People are trying to wrap things up people are again, and this is one thing I think that speaks to you and your values as well as a lot of people are, especially in December there, they get, they get a little more family focused. For one thing, they’re very much like trying to wrap things up. No pun intended, but I’m gonna let it lie out there trying to wrap things up in December.

Marshall Stern 5:40
That’s a dad joke. That was a dad joke.

Kevin Stafford 5:42
I do it accidentally. It’s what you know, I am who I am. I can only I can only be me. But did you try to wrap things up, put a bow on things in December. And there’s like, there’s a lot of there’s that urge is hard to it’s hard to slide coaching into that. It’s a very, like, it’s very much trying to like close things out. And then early, early January, like I like I like kind of how you described it as a birth moment. It with all the messiness that might entail. It’s not like it’s not like the New Year dawns on January 1, or second or third, the New Year Dawn’s in the month of January. And I think that’s that’s actually a distinction I’ve learned to make for myself and for the people I work with and work for is that January is like kind of a tilling of the soil and the planting of the seeds time, which doesn’t all happen in one day. There’s a process to it. And so I do find that as January progresses, there’s a momentum that builds both momentum of like declared opportunities and initiatives, but also the opening up of opportunities, the people realizing it’s like, I want to do this with my life, I’ve sort of formulated this intention. And then there might be realizations of up. But if I do want to actually achieve this, I’m going to need X, Y and Z. It’s like, I want to get in shape. But oh, I should get a gym membership. Or I should really look into like a more specific diet or it’s like I want to I really want to work on my career. This you know, this year, it’s like, well, it seems like I’ve kind of like looked into some stuff and like I tidied up my LinkedIn or whatever, whatever happens to be but you know, it really seems like I should get a coach for this because I really do need some some guidance for industry specific or something like that I’m I’m I’m hypothesizing but this is this. These are real thoughts. I feel like your intentions come into focus. And as that focus and clarity begin to manifest themselves. That’s very fertile soil for a coach to really to really dig in and do their work.

Marshall Stern 7:30
Ya know, 100% 100%? I think? Yeah, I think it’s the one thing I do know, is I’ve learned this the hard way, but the hard way. There’s no real hardware. There’s a hard way. But I think it’s funny, because in the intro, you I don’t know who the heck wrote that intro. I must have like years ago, because I mentioned, I’m all about work life balance. And that’s interesting, because I was, I was kind of laughing inside when you when you’re reading it, I am. But I want to actually give a little context to what I mean by that, please. And as I’m talking, I’m preaching to the choir, I guess, because we’re all coaches. But coaches are the worst. Word work life balance, like let’s face it, come on, hello. Right. Because we’re such so hard driven, we just want to serve, that we end up like my wife will say to me, take a break, take a break, take a break, you got to do. And I’m all for that for my customers self care. Sometimes we forget ourselves. But also I will offer work life balance. But in a not necessarily in one day. On every like Monday, I don’t expect everyone kind of work life balance Tuesday, doing me like a daily basis. It’s difficult to have work life balance, but at the end of the week, maybe at the end of the month, hopefully, definitely at the end of the year. But even hopefully, the end of the month, you can have some balance. But a lot of people think when they hear work life balance, there’s so much pressure and they start to cut down on themselves. And but for us as coaches, I think it’s really important. You talked about being intentional. It’s so important for us to be intentional, and actually like the ritual is amazing coach himself, I mentor. And he says slow down in order to speed up. And I think for us as coaches, we really need to do that because it’s, we get so busy. I’m not sure where I’m going with this. It’s kind of a bit of a segue, but we get so busy coaching. We forget to either take time for ourselves and slow down or slow down and build our business. So we get some business coaching. We’re no longer connecting with new people. We’re so busy coaching we’re not connected with ourselves and our people around us. And that’s a dangerous dangerous game to play because At some point you are going to burn out and you’re not gonna be at service to your clients the way you can be. So I think it’s really important for us to be intentional and have a plan, but then work the plan, like January 1 comes around, great. What are you going to do this year? You know, how are you going to connect with but who are you going to connect? When are you going to connect with yourself and your family and just take time,

Kevin Stafford 10:24
you are speaking right to the bottom of my heart and to the top of my mind. And this is it’s kind of funny, I don’t know. I don’t even know if you’re subscribed to to the our newsletter, my newsletter, I write that once a week. And I just Just yesterday, send it out. And I wrote it on this very topic. It was based off of a blob, an article I’d read earlier in the month called permission to slow down. And it’s from the perspective of someone who had just finished the first draft of their novel. And there was this gap of time between when the actual when the final publication was due to go to the printers. And so it was their first draft. So it got passed off to the other and there was this like, good gap of time there. And it was just this author reflecting on how important those those moments are reflection and how there are moments where slowing down is speeding up. Where what’s the what’s the phrase, slow is slow is smooth and smooth is fast, or slow and steady and steady is fast. And I got this so funny that you’re speaking to that because I was I just was in that headspace and I in fact, due to a fruitful and chock full of excellent, excellent quality time with clients and prospects January, super busy with podcasts so much going on, I think in full but not frantic, very, very full, full and fulfilling. And I started to I sat with it and it was reflecting on myself, I was like, You know what, I’m very busy. To start the year, I need to look at my calendar and see when the next good opportunity is for me to take a break. And so I went I was like, You know what, if you don’t do it, if you don’t do it intentionally, you’re not going to do it, you’re just gonna put your head down, you’re gonna wait for the opportunity to present itself and it won’t. Because you’re just going to keep your head down and keep working until I looked at my calendar. I saw a couple of days where it’s like, you know what, I don’t have any prospect meetings don’t have to be client meetings. There’s a good I have a lot of work that I can get done before that I can kind of cash some things prior. And I’m like, You know what, blocking it off the calendar, and I went ahead and I blocked it off on my calendar. I let everybody know, on my team, I was just like, hey, you know what, I’m gonna take these couple of days off have a four day weekend coming up later on in February, because it was just like, it felt it was the smallest thing, relatively speaking, I was just like, I just decided to take some time off without waiting for the burnout. Like, I could smell the smoke. They just like like the faintest, the faintest odor of smoke on the air. And I was like, You know what, I’m gonna be proactive about this. I’m gonna be intentional about this. And it felt so it felt so good to do it. And it was so high, it was so hard for me to choose to do it. But it was really easy to do once I decided, you know the difference, it was hard for me that like to make that decision. It was like pulling teeth. But then once I had made the decision to find some time, finding time wasn’t that hard. It

Marshall Stern 13:09
this is what we preach to our clients.

Kevin Stafford 13:10
It really is.

Marshall Stern 13:13
Right. And that’s the ironic part of it. We get, like I said earlier, we get so caught up serving and making a difference and helping our clients, whether it’s in business or in life, whether it’s health or career. A lot of times we forget about ourselves, and we forget to actually drink our own Kool Aid. And sometimes I’ll listen back to workshop I’ve done or what looks in my group programs. And I’ll go how I felt was really good. Like I said that. Right? Yes, like, okay. And it’s amazing, it’s really, I think we just have to be, the big thing is we have to be intentional. We have to be intentional as to what we want, why we want to where we want to go, why we want to go there. It’s like the why behind the why. And that’s what we do for our clients. We help them uncover their why behind their why really. And that’s what we need to do ourselves. And that means not easy code yourselves. But if we just listen to what we’re saying to other people, slow down. And in order to speed up, for sure.

Kevin Stafford 14:27
And to also it really helps to, it helps to realize to really sit with, I’m doing this, this is an act of service, not to the people I want to serve. It’s like if I don’t if I neglect myself, I will eventually show up weaker and weaker and more inconsistently with less to bring to the table with less to offer to the people I want to serve. And so you don’t even have to like it is self care, but it’s not selfish. It actually it is in the Circle of Service. And it’s just it’s a it’s a manner of thinking in a manner of feeling that I periodically have to remind myself of because it’s, it’s very easy to let it slip my mind. But once I realized that, that that’s how I could do it without getting trapped in this cycle of, of, of hard work ism, and you know, no grind ism, I can just realize that, you know, taking care of myself is an act of service to the people I wish to help the most. If I neglect myself, I’m neglecting them too. Yeah, she said, it’s going to take a lot, it’s going to take longer to hit them, and it’s going to take the hit me, but it’s going to start hitting them, and they’re going to not get my best because I won’t have it to offer. And that’s on me. And so that’s, that’s kind of a way that I was able to sort of tricked myself into into being better at the gestures of self care that I require taking time for myself and making sure that I’m hold and hearty and ready. Yeah.

Marshall Stern 15:46
And it’s a matter of, again, the awareness because it’s the oxygen mask analogy, right? I mean, we’re always taught to put the mask on ourselves, before we put it on, you know, a child that we’re with, or a senior, put it on ourselves, take care of ourselves, first, we can take care of the rest, take care of others. And we just because we get so caught in, caught up in a serving, and because we love it so much, it’s not work for us, right? It’s it’s play, it’s fun, it’s our passion that we can, every day, I have to practice it every day, I have to make sure whether it’s meditating, or just just being still, I do before every, every client session, I do it after when I’m finished every session. But just you know, throughout the day at different times, otherwise, you just you’re gonna you’re gonna lose it, you really are gonna lose it, you’re gonna burn out. And then you’re not gonna be able to serve the people. Not easy, but easy. But no one said it would be

Kevin Stafford 16:43
Nope. Right? And if somebody did, what were they telling you?

Marshall Stern 16:48
Well, exactly. And also, having said all that, like, I think also a key with coaching, growing a coaching business is coaching, yes, you have to be really good at what you do. And you have to spend, you’re going to serve clients and help with transformation and all that kind of good stuff that we do. But you have to also take a break from that. And you have to be intentional on connecting with people. Because if we’re just coaching, and I’ve fallen into this trap before, and some of your listeners, I’m sure might be there right now. It’s like, oh, I’m booked solid, like I just I can’t take any more anyone anyone else on or just, you’re just I just love it. I’m just coaching, coaching, coaching, coach coaching, well, those contracts are those, you know, programs and, and you’ve been connected with anyone that all of a sudden, okay, all of a sudden, my calendars completely free. So it’s a matter of, I think, loving what you do, do what you love. Every day, try to connect with someone. And it might not even be connected, like unless in cold calling. I’m saying just connect, connect people together. Yeah, touch base with someone say, Hey, how are things? Or, hey, here’s the article I thought you might be interested in.

Kevin Stafford 18:05
I love those little moments of sharing. It doesn’t work. It’s there’s no obligation attached. It’s just a moment of sharing where it’s like, I like this, I love that kind to because I’ll just all I’ll message people just just in our URL, where it’s like, I really liked this think you will too. And that’s it. That’s it? No, no response. It’s just like, it’s just that act of giving that little act of service. It’s very, it’s, it’s freeing while also being being bridge building and connecting and I love that.

Marshall Stern 18:30
It’s a book. Yeah, no, you have to really buy into it. Because if you want if you’re if you’re I heard this last week. So you know, the whole people might be in BNI, there might be a lot of coaches that are in BNI here and I’m not knocking BNI as a, as a networking organization, they’re a great organization for the right people, but their motto is what givers gain. So, the whole idea is you give give give give referrals give referrals in order to gain back right and can work for some people. Someone said in my in my circle, the other day, they said their model for the year. I saw early on on another podcast, she said thermo her motto for the year is give, to give, to give to ask. And I thought about that she said because when you get when you give to gain, you’re giving for the sole purpose expecting something to come back. Right. But when you’re giving from your heart, okay to for the purpose of giving and then at some point for the opportunity, the permission to be able to ask not necessarily for the sale, maybe asked to be able to connect them with someone else. Right. I think I think it really you look at things differently. And so but but giving to expect something it’s about giving to build trust so the whole know like and trust that right build a connection To be able to, and, and again, like a follow ups, right? I don’t know if you’re familiar with Steve Chandler another amazing coach, right. And he, he says, Don’t be sending these messages, Facebook messages or emails. You know, after a proposal, you send a proposal to a client. And he’s He does great the way he in his voice. He goes, don’t just send a message saying, hey, just checking in. Just checking in. You’re gonna hire me just checking in, Hey, how’s it going to check? You know, did you get my email, just give me a proposal to get hired me. That’s where it’s powerful to just sort of just top of mind, not every day segments and an interesting article, it’s their birthday, send them something for their birthday, or wish them happy birthday. Hey, thinking of you saw this thought you might be interested in in it. Our hey, I want to connect with this person. And that’s it.

Kevin Stafford 20:56
Yeah, there’s a difference? Oh, yeah, there’s a difference between I really, it’s, it’s, it can be a subtle distinction. But for me, it means the world because there’s that giving, to gain like, almost like it’s an exchange and a commodity, there’s that. And there’s giving with an understanding that there’s gain to be had. But that’s not something you’re concerned with it you give in and of itself. And you understand the the mechanism of giving how giving tends to work in the world, and you trust it. And so you give, to give I really do. It’s it’s hard to speak to better than you’ve already spoken to it. But it’s a concept. And I feel like it’s such an important distinction to keep you from just becoming like a gift merchant, as opposed to just a participator a connector, a member, you know,

Marshall Stern 21:46
well, yeah, let’s, let’s face it, we’re all we’re all coaches, we all want to build our practice, or I hate that term practice, a company that just said, practice, forget that scrap that I put that can edit that we all want to because it’s not a practice, it’s a business, we all want to build our business, right. So we’re not just unless we’re like, like, have enough money that we don’t ever have to work in another day in our life. You know, we’re coaches, we need to charge for it. Obviously, when you charge for services, also for the client to get the most out of it. Which is another conversation. Oh, yeah. We all we all know that. But also are having saying that if we had all the money in the world, and then we’re philanthropists, if we’re just giving, we’re just a nonprofit organization. Okay. And that’s great. If you can do that. That’s absolutely great, beautiful Kumbaya, it’s awesome, you can do that. Most of us, it’s a business. And with the business, you want to build your business, more clients, more transformations, more transformations, bigger change in the world, all that kind of stuff. So we are giving with an intention. Now we feel good about it. You have to feel good about it. And but we’re giving our time we’re giving our knowledge with that’s why like to put the gift to give to give to us. We’re giving it with the intention of one day down the road, we’re gonna ask them for help, and not help in like, work with me. But help me be Hey, do you have five minutes I’m thinking of doing a program, I want to just pick your brain on what you might think would work, hey, I have someone who might, I’d like love you to connect you with or you or I can connect them with you or whatever. Or hey, can I ask you this? Hey, that kind of thing. Hey, I’ve worked up coming up. It’s free, or it’s or it’s $100? Do you want to come? Right. But if we’re just connecting with intention of waiting for things to come back, then we’re waiting. And we’re waiting. We’re waiting. Right. And in the end, we all coaches, we all need to we all help our clients move the needle in one part of their life, or multiple parts of their lives. I think we need to do that for ourselves, too.

Kevin Stafford 24:08
I just, I’m loving this conversation so much. I just looked up at the Zoom clock and we’re already past 30 minutes. And honestly, this field, this has the same feeling as January as we discussed where it’s like it’s, it’s flown by because of like Contentful and great fun, but also, it’s supposed to be a short podcast, so I should probably get you out of here. But before I do, before I hit record you did mention that you’ve got something cool coming up in I believe you said April and this podcast episode though is recorded in early February will probably come out more like March but still well enough in time. I know. It’s it’s hard to like when you’re listening to this whenever it finds you. I want to make sure that you talk a little bit about this thing you’ve got coming up so that if as people listen, they can you know they can reach out and find out more. So tell me what’s coming in April.

Marshall Stern 24:52
Well, okay, so yeah, in April, it’s I’m still working out the details of it. So reach out to me, but it’s a six month to one year program. It’s going to be an amazing program. combination mastermind group coaching, training all sorts of things. But more on that. This is just coming out in March, I know that I know what’s happening with this is coming in real time. But right now I’m just working on the details, I’m actually talking to a lot of my clients about what would work for them. So it’s gonna be really good program. But the other thing is just, if you even just for your own business, just jump into if you’re still into Facebook, if you’re in the Facebook world, the business inner circle, which is our Facebook community, right? It’s the business inner circle, and introduce yourself in there, jump in there, connect with people there. It’s people all over really all over the world, primarily North America, but there are people all over the world. And just there’s some trainings in there. It’s just a great place to connect with other entrepreneurs, and ask them questions that might help your business.

Kevin Stafford 25:50
Excellent, excellent. And you’re still is it? Am I might be misremembering, this Marshall. stern.net. Am I remembering that correctly? If you have a website, that’s like your name, but not, it’s not? a.com rent.com? That’s

Marshall Stern 26:01
some comedian in Chicago. as.com. They won’t get it up today. Marshall stern.net, or at Marshall, stern on LinkedIn or Instagram, not tick tock. They’ll do tick tock.

Kevin Stafford 26:13
Not yet.

Marshall Stern 26:16
I want to worry about it. Maybe the maybe the third time around. We’ll chat. We’ll see.

Kevin Stafford 26:21
Sounds good. All right. I’ll make sure there’s links to everything in the show notes. And yeah, like I said, I, what we’re what we’re talking about, I could talk about with you for hours, because I just I feel like this is such a meaty, important conversations to be had and shining and important light on on the nature of, of giving, and exchange and service and asking and self care. Like these are all just like, like, you’re speaking to my heart. Definitely. But again, I’ll just have to have you back on maybe in April, and maybe in May, and maybe in June, and we can talk about how things are going and what’s coming up next then. So yeah, expect me to be bothering you to come back on. Because I love our conversations and where they go, I think I think it’s a it’s important to for people to be able to listen in and kind of get a little bit of an understanding of what a conversation like this might be like when they hire a coach, maybe when they hire you. And I’m just saying I’m just putting it out there audience if you’re listening. So thank you, Marshall for coming on again today. I liked it.

Marshall Stern 27:14
Thank you, Kevin.

Kevin Stafford 27:15
Thank you. And yeah, here on the podcast. Obviously you can find out all you need to find out about martial by going to the links in the show notes. Check out the Facebook group. I know it’s Facebook, it’s still a good group. Check it out. It’s worthwhile, and we will get the opportunity to talk to you again here very soon.

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