Hello everyone, and welcome to another short but hopefully sweet lessons episode of the conversations with Coach’s podcast. This one comes from comes to me from a recent a recent episode I’ve recorded I’m not even sure if it’s gone like gone live yet, you know what it probably has by now. But it’s something that it’s a, I can’t it’s another one of those something that I knew. But now I know in a different way thanks to a coach putting it in a particular way. You know, I’m sure you’re all very familiar with that, with that experience, but it’s a, something I was thinking about was. And I basically end up talking about this almost every day how one of a coach’s most important jobs is a very, very simple one. Ask questions. Now, the nature of those questions. It can be simple, they can be complex, they can be surface, they can be deep, they usually relatively simple, it tends to be the simple questions that are the most powerful, especially ones that you insist on getting an answer for. And this is where this is where this lesson comes in. For me, this insistence where it’s you know, maybe you ask a question, and you, you know, someone demurrers or they deflect, so they’re not really ready to answer. And so you’re like, okay, and maybe continue the conversation for a little bit. And then you ask the same exact question again. Maybe you put the emphasis on a different syllable, or you move the words ramble a bit, but it’s essentially the same question. Now, when you insist on a question, because you know, it’s an important question, it’s one that you know, your client needs to answer they need to, they need to find their way to their answer to this question to move on to the next one, or two, move on to the next step. You know this, but maybe they don’t know this yet. And so what can sometimes happen, and this is, sometimes it’s out of your control, but this is something you can definitely be aware of, is that your insistence on an answer can feel to your client, like they’re being judged, sometimes when when people are just asked questions, they feel this pressure on them. And when people feel pressure like that they may feel challenged.
Now, a code one of the coaches most important job is also to challenge their clients not really going to get anywhere throwing softballs all day, there are going to be some hardball questions, there are going to be some tough conversations, some challenging decisions, and some challenging questions that are going to need some answers. And that can sometimes maybe even often rubs certain people the wrong way, and how rubs them the wrong way, send them so internalized that they’ll feel like they’re being judged in some way, which is neither here nor there. You can use the terminology, however you choose to term it. But whenever anybody feels judged, there’s a tendency to clam up or to get defensive lash out yada, yada. There’s a lot of different ways we react to such behavior. Or we allow ourselves to react, I should say. But it’s so important to be to be challenging, without judgment, without letting judgment guide the conversation, guide the interaction guide the relationship, making sure that the person you’re coaching the person you’re interacting with, they know that you’re not passing judgment on them. But that, you know, this is an important question to be asked that you wouldn’t be asking it otherwise, and that you’re going to work with them, you’re going to insist with them, you’re going to apply that pressure to them, until an answer comes forth. And they’re going to thank you for it. As you well know, once you get there, they will thank you for challenging them and insisting on answers to the important questions which are so often the simplest ones. But this is something that I’ve experienced from from many of the coaches I’ve talked to this is one of those. I mean, I suppose some some of you come by it naturally. Maybe it’s just like a skill that you’ve always had. But almost every coach I know has, at the very least worked on and develop the skill and ability to, to ask and to hold those questions.
Hold space for the answers, insist on the questions, rephrase, but not change the question. So that the next question can be moved on to the next step can be moved on to it’s really, it’s really amazing. It’s it looks simple. Because I think coaches have largely mastered this process. I’m always I’m always amazed and impressed when I’m on the receiving end, or I’m just a witness to this so challenging without judgment or without things shifting into a place of judgmentalism be consistent with the important questions, which again, are often the simplest ones. But anyway, that concept of challenge without judgment, it’s been, it’s risen to the top of my head in my heart recently. And so I wanted to share that with you share some of my reflection, some of my thoughts. And yeah, I’m going to keep noodling on it because it’s definitely something some something that I have different kinds of reactions to as I move through life, so anyway, challenge without judgment, simple questions, insistence, all very important attributes of good, even great coaching. So, thank you for listening. Thank you for conversing with me indulging me and I will talk to you again very soon.
