Kevin Stafford 0:02
Hello everyone, and welcome to another fine episode of the conversations with Coach’s podcast. I’ll actually let you decide whether or not it’s going to be fine. But I feel pretty confident in saying that it will be I’ve had a chance, just very briefly to get to know Demetria Cook, and I think you’re gonna get to know her and like her as much as I already do. If her cat makes a cameo in this interview, just know that that cat is invited and is welcome. And we’ll get all the scratches it requires. But let me introduce you to Demetrius. She is a noteworthy leader in the leadership development space as a Coach and Trainer. And while you may know her as an executive coach with Fortune 500, professionals, she has developed leaders in nonprofit education, banking, entertainment, and more. We also have a lot of other stuff to talk about regarding her writing, I’m just very excited to like have finally gotten to know this person, it’s only been like maybe 10 minutes, and I already want it to be the beginning of a 10 year, personal professional relationship. Anyway, Demetrius, thank you so much for meeting me. Thank you so much for being here and chatting with me today. I’m already Glad to know you.
Dimitria Cook 1:01
I’m excited to actually be here.
Kevin Stafford 1:06
Yeah, let’s, let’s begin at the beginning, not the very beginning. It’s like when you were born. I like to sort of cheekily refer to it as your your superhero origin story as a coach. And this happens differently. Well, it happens very similarly, for lots of different coaches, there tends to be some unifying principles. But how did you? How did you get your start? As a coach? How did you realize that coaching was maybe something you were already doing? Or that coaching was a name that you didn’t didn’t really have that expressed what you were, you know, what you wanted to do with your life? Or an aspect of your professional life you wanted to pursue? did? Did you have a key mentor at the right moment? That was like, you know, you really should get into coaching? Like, how did you? There’s all sorts of different ways to get there. But how did you get your start as a coach? And how did that evolve into the the coaching practice you have today?
Dimitria Cook 1:55
Absolutely. So for me, it was a little little, I will say it’s a little different, because I do believe a lot of coaches come from various backgrounds. And so I started off as a teacher, and I was in the classroom, and having 35 kids in a classroom was something that I just really knew my connection, you know, it was a great connection, but I knew my connection could be even better when I was working with the one on one. And so you know, I had the opportunity I was working with, I had this one young man, he was a gang member. And people would always say, Oh, he’s never going to listen to you, he’s going to do this, he’s going to do that, you know, and we formed a connection. And so that bond that we had, I could work with him one on one, you know, he would, I will walk into the classroom, and he would have written on the board all these like gang symbols, and just things like that. And I was just giving that look, right. And I would just say erase it, and he would look at me, he take the eraser, and he would erase it, you know, so that was like the beginning of where I started noticing that my impact on individuals was greater than that impact on the whole. So I could work with the students one on one, I could see the light, the aha moments, and you know, that light bulb moments that they were having. And I was saying, Wow, this is where I’m most effective. And this is what I need to do. And so that’s when I started to switch from going from my teaching, you know, hat to more of that coaching mindset, and getting into how am I going to best serve others, as a coach, as someone who can work with them, help them grow, help them become their best selves, one on one, versus trying to do that in a larger group setting as a quote unquote, teacher. And so that was really the beginning of when I made that shift from teaching to coaching.
Kevin Stafford 3:59
I love that that’s when you said 35 That numb that numbers. So it’s one of those words, I’d be like inside myself, I was like, ah, it gets almost impossible to do your job at that class size, but like, but what else you got to do, it’s such a, you know, you have like both hands tied behind your back sometimes where it’s just like they all they all need a teacher, they all need help, they all need guidance. And it’s just so hard. And I’m thinking like a 35 You can never like when like you’re gonna remember I’m like it’s it’s been a long time. But like I’m remembering my own classroom experiences when all I really wanted to do was like, have that moment of connection. I didn’t realize it like that at the time. But But now looking back at myself and the way I was behaving and the way I was thinking, I have a different language for it now. It’s just kind of part of getting older and growing. Supposedly knock on wood a little bit wiser. But that’s one thing that really helped me to realize that it’s like I’ve had coaching and guidance like really one to one people who took the time to get to know me and understand me and let me express those parts of myself and then kind of ask me, you know, interesting questions or make, you know, requests So for me that I was like, oh, you know what, Okay, you’re right. I just love that like when you asked him to erase, erase the the chalkboard, those dry erase board or whatever. It’s almost like in that moment, I kind of felt a bit of resonance, where it’s like you just recognized him as a human being, and hey, I wonder one moment, and the respect that came from just that acknowledgement. It leads to so many great places, and I just said something that’s so it’s hard to offer, as a teacher in a kind of a classroom environment where you have so many mouths to feed really so many so many souls to nourish, you can put that one to one moment, if you can build those connections and those relationships you can do, you can have such an impact such an impact.
Dimitria Cook 5:40
Exactly, yeah, it is, it’s about that impact. And when you’re working with individuals as a coach, you know, it’s your responsibility, from what I like to say is I like to help people get to their empowered future. So it’s my responsibility to help pull out of you what’s already inside, so that you can make those decisions for yourself. Right. And coaches, where, you know, we’re not advisors, you know, we’re not your psychologist, or therapists, we’re not your consultants, you know, counselors, things like that. It’s everything that you need is already inside of you. So it’s my responsibility as your coach to really pull that out. And I have to guide you to get there, you know, to help you move closer and closer and closer to where you want to be to that empowered future so that you can have those aha moments and see things that you didn’t see before but now you are able to embrace them, because you are able to have a clear vision of what it is that you want to do where you want to go and how you want to be.
Kevin Stafford 6:54
I’m almost spontaneous, amen almost came out of my, my lips. Because honestly, like everything about the way you frame that is like it’s so it’s so Pitch Perfect to that to speak to the value of coaching, and how it’s different from advisor or consultant or teacher or, or therapist or any of the other other ways in which you can engage in vital personal development and growth. Like coach being what a coach really comes into do is really doesn’t bring any it doesn’t bring answers to the table isn’t isn’t trying to add anything to you that isn’t already there. It’s really are so many different ways. I like to think about it where it’s like, and I love that you use the like a lighting analogy, because sometimes just a matter of shifting your perspective, right? Not dramatically, you don’t have to do a 180. But just like here, I’m going to move you three feet to the left. Now look at this, look at the statue, look at this painting, look at look at what look at your life, how is the light hitting it now. And it’s like, you know what I’m looking at it. And it’s like, it’s the same thing that was always there. It’s been there the entire time. But now the shadows are a little bit longer in one direction. And I’m kind of like seeing these colors differently. And it’s just like this new truths just emerge from that just a stepper to one direction or the other. And I feel like coaches are just perfectly positioned to provide that kind of guidance. That really does. And I also really liked that you’re empowered future, I really, really, really liked that that terminology. That’s kind of why I perked up when you said that I was like, that’s a great way to describe it. Because it really is just showing someone their path, or their one of their paths forward. And then telling them a little bit about what it’s going to look like and feel like as they put their feet on that path. And it’s like, you know, what you’re probably going to do is you see that you see that little route way up ahead. I’m kind of mixing my metaphors here. But this is what I do. Like you see that little route up ahead or you see that little like dip in the road, like a lot of people trip there. And that’s totally fine. Just and you might trip there to bring your attention to that on that path right there. These little these little bits of guidance, these little little bits of wisdom that again, they don’t bring anything to the table that isn’t already there. It’s all already there, which in and of itself, once you get someone to realize that it’s so empowering, it’s just like, Oh, I do already have everything I need. I really do. And then from there, it’s just I mean, it is empowered capital E capital gains.
Dimitria Cook 9:15
You know, and as a coach, it’s really, you know, I have to have a coaching mindset, right. And, you know, we talked about I talked about earlier about being a teacher before going into coaching. And with coaching, there’s this, this intuitive nature that you have. And so you keep developing that over time, the more that you work with different individuals, different situations, and things like that, but there’s this level of intuition that I believe every great coach, every coach that’s out there working with individuals, they have to have that because you’re tapping into that source of who that other person is that you’re working with you You’re tapping into their, their energy, you’re tapping into who they are, and you’re in where they really want to be. And so you have to have that intuition to really know how to help them move on that scale on that ladder on that path on the journey that they’re actually going on. So is not just a, it’s more than putting into practice of, you know, advising someone or even, you know, therapy, or, you know, things like that, because it’s, it’s one of those things where you’re asking those probative questions, those how questions, you know, you’re tapping into the root of who the person is, like, who are you? And how can I help you get to where you want to be. So my form of coaching is, you know, I’ve been, I’ve studied the education and neuroscience based coaching. And so that really plays a lot of into, you know, I was when we were kids, we have that whole fight or flight kind of thing. You know, that’s what we call like the red zone, you know, when we really want to move people from that red zone to that blue zone, where they, you know, are able to be confident, they’re able to be calm, they’re able to make these decisions, from a place of, you know, being and doing, and having those right decisions versus that fear, and being stuck. And so you’re moving them on that, that trajectory, helping to move them on that trajectory.
Kevin Stafford 11:41
Yeah, and it’s your it’s so you’re so right to identify how I got almost a tailored coaching is like coaching, obviously, you have every every guest, this is one of the things I find to be extremely fascinating and so profoundly useful about a coach is that it’s this really interesting hybrid of a system. It’s like I have have a method by which I approach my coaching, I’ve learned things, and I’ve learned a lot of the house. And I’ve learned a lot of the backgrounds of the wise and a lot of what’s like, here’s the tactics, here’s the things to do, here’s the quote unquote, actionable steps you can take. And it is that very intuitive guide coming in and asking provocative questions and stepping someone towards the questions that they need to hear, which is going to be different for everyone. And that, again, that that hybrid, that combination of the systemic, and the highly personalized, is really where I where I find coaching can really, it really has this, I think, unique value in human development human experience, where it’s really there’s really nothing quite like it I have joked, only like, I think one time I actually one time in my life, have I ever worn any clothing that was tailored. And it’s you know, it’s a it’s, it was just a lark, I just happen to know somebody, and it’s like, it was an experience I was curious about and had an opportunity. So I took it, I was like, this is like, I’m still wearing clothes, and looks pretty standard looks pretty normal. It’s serving a purpose. It was for like a wedding. But I felt so I it’s still it’s hard for me to describe how different it felt having something that was made for me, specifically for me, and I’ve reflected, as I learned more about coaching and talked to more coaches, especially through this podcast, I’ve hearken back to that experience more and more of what that feels like and the way and how that how that reminds me of the way great coaching feels, to where it feels like very, very standardized, and very understandable and very accessible, and also very personal and very specific to me, are very specific to the individual to the coach II. And there really is nothing quite like that. I don’t think not that I found.
Dimitria Cook 13:46
Yeah, yeah. And you know, it’s true, because the way that you coach, one individual is completely different than the way that you coach, another individual. And that’s where a big part of that intuition comes into. So, you know, the conversation that you know, I will have with you is going to be completely different than the conversation that I have with, you know, someone else, but you all may be working on the same issue. Right? We’re all individuals, and we all have different experiences, we all have different things that helped shape who we are as individuals. And so those play a factor into how we see ourselves and how we are going to continue to move forward with you know, the coaching process. So it can be the same pull and pull issue, but it can be handled or addressed in completely different manners. You know, with the coach, it’s not a one size fit all fits all. You know, it? It is that tailoring, you know, to that regard because I’m looking at you as your as an individual and what it is how I’m going to work with you. versus you know, you know, this person has a red suit, a blue suit, a white suit, a yellow suit a green suit. But we all have suits on. Right? Yeah. So, yeah, it is. It’s a beautiful thing working with coaches, because you do see a lot, you learn a lot about yourself, and you really have that opportunity to feel empowered and to feel whole. You know, and, you know, because you’re working on yourself, you know, as what we say in the coaching world is, you know, you’re coaching the person, not rather than the problem, right? So it’s, when I’m coaching, I’m coaching the whole person, it’s the personal and the professional, because the personal effects the professional, the professional effects, the personal. So there has to be that level of trust and safety, that I’m working with that individual where they can share aspects of who they are, so that we can move them on that, that journey on that path. Right. So yeah, that’s really key for me.
Kevin Stafford 16:06
I love that it’s like, I’ve actually found myself talking about that more and more lately, for whatever reason about because that that phrase, personal and professional, is like it’s it’s fairly easy, it’s alliterative, it’s a shorthand to basically speak to the full spectrum of someone’s life experience. And I find I’ve been finding myself thinking about how we make that distinction, just so that we can kind of communicate our understanding of there being different aspects of it. But really, I think of it like almost like a watch, like, if I want to understand how a watch works, like if I really want to know, I got to take the back off and take the take the gears out and look at everything, but when it’s taken apart, it’s not telling any time it’s just there, it’s just this pretty device, it doesn’t work. In order for it to function, it has to always be assembled into a singular unit. And that’s like, it’s, it’s good for me to remind myself that these are, it’s important to make sure that we speak to our understanding of how there are these different aspects, I like to think of them as facets of our lives that are nevertheless, always our singular selves. And then coaches know that and coaches, always good coaches, always engaged with the whole self, even as they’re looking at different aspects of life. It’s, I get so excited talking about it, because it’s I find it so fascinating. And so again, that word keeps coming up and so empowering, that understanding of how kind of you know, how the how the watch works?
Dimitria Cook 17:22
Absolutely, absolutely. You know, and, you know, it’s when you have that, that trust and safety with that individual, you know, there, the walls, you know, the barriers, you know, they start to come down, because you’re in, you know, coaching as a partnership, we have to work together, you know, I want to support you the best way that I know that I can, and I want you to feel safe, you know, have that psychological safety, where you can trust me, to lead you on this journey. So we have to work in tandem, and it’s you, you know, expressing to me, what your goals are, what it is that you’re looking to get out of our, you know, partnership, you know, what are the obstacles? What are the, you know, the outcomes that you’re looking for? What are the challenges that you’re facing, and things like that, you know, and once you let me in, that’s how I can help, you know, help you, you know, as I’m coaching the whole person, I’m coaching the who, you know, rather than the problem,
Kevin Stafford 18:36
I love it, I love it. Well, that actually leads me nicely into one of my other core questions I’d love to make sure to ask now you have a very diverse coaching practice that you really coached a lot of different people at different types of people a lot of different ways I can do I’ve already told like just from my brief conversation, but I’d like to ask this question in a particular way and you can you can speak to whatever aspect of your work and your impact that you would like but these days primarily or just again, preference preferentially, who do you coach and how do you coach them who being like, a particular role like executives, but you know, fortune 500 or C suite only or do I do whole teams? Or how are I so the who, and then also the how do you coach them? Do you still primarily work one on one? I already know the answer this question least partially, but do you do any group coaching? write books, keynote speeches, you know, Japanese, large, you know, mid to large team development. So yeah, who do you coach and how do you coach them? And which which one Which part do you want to talk about right now?
Dimitria Cook 19:37
Right now, you know, I do have a, a niche market that I have been working in. It doesn’t mean that you know, I do work with everyone but I have been focusing lately on this particular niche market. And that niche market is working with black professionals and also working with women. And so I really enjoy working with black professional owes, you know, many of them from like fortune 500, fortune 100, you know, companies, corporations, etc. Because, you know, as a as a black woman, I, there’s this connection that I have with other black professionals. Right. And so, you know, we’ve traveled along this path this role, you know, to get to where we are today. You know, it’s not that we go through, we have different journeys, but we have similar experiences, right, we see things, we have experienced things that are similar. And so I enjoy helping others, unpack those experiences and how it has, you know, how it resonates in their life today, and how we can move them continue to move forward on that on that dial. Right. And so because it’s, it’s who I am, that is an aspect of my coaching that I really enjoy working with, you know, that particular niche market. And you know, we have this thing and that many black professionals, not all, but many, you know, we have this thing where we think about being, you know, impostor syndrome, where did that come from? Why, why is that even being stated? Why are we Why is it coming out of our mouths, you know, and so, but it’s, it’s something that many of us go through, you know, the question, why, why was I asked into this meeting? Why am I in the boardroom with, with these other individuals, it’s because you belong there with everyone else. You know, and so working with black professionals, and helping them and guiding them to that empower future, you know, is something that I really hold dear to my heart. I love it. You know, and as a woman, I love working with other women, because again, we have certain aspects of who we are, and how we view and see the world. And those receptions. And so working with, you know, women, you know, is something that I really appreciate and enjoy doing also.
Kevin Stafford 22:18
That’s fantastic. I feel, I quite frankly, I love that you quote unquote, niche down, I think of it as like, tightening your focus, like I, I find myself trying to find different words, other than narrowing your focus, because narrow has like has some content has some limiting connotations, but I feel like it’s so it’s so important. If you really want to have the kind of power and impact you want to have to really focus on where you can be of the most benefit and what you know where your passion lies, because that is naturally going to be where you are the most powerful. And so again, almost like narrowing, tightening your focus. In my head, I always have like a Glaser the way like if you want the beam to be truly powerful to truly cut through something, and you know, hit its target, it’s got to be tight, it’s got to be focused. And it’s an I love that you’ve allowed your, your personal experience and your personal passions to guide your focus in the directions where you could be the most service. And it’s like, quite frankly, you lit up a little bit. This is not the only podcast, but I can see you and you lit up a little bit when you started talking about and I was like, Yeah, that’s right, you are definitely in the right place, working with the right people in the right ways. I just, I love that you’re there doing that work, because it is. And it’s crucial. The even the most confident seeming people who have you know, just skyrocketed up the corporate ladder or whatever ladder they happen to be on. need to be reminded sometimes that yes, you you belong here, you belong here. They might be telling themselves that they might think that most of the time, but it’s important that we let those people know that we see them for who they are and let them know. It’s like, Yep, I see you you belong here because you never know what what day what week what month what year what life someone might really need to hear that.
Dimitria Cook 24:03
Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. That reminder.
Kevin Stafford 24:08
I could talk to you all day. This is like I have like, at least like a dozen other different directions to take this conversation. It’s, um, I’m gonna have to have you back again. Maybe Maybe. Yeah, fantastic. I want yeah, I’m looking at the clock. And I’m like, I knew it. I knew it was like it was a good half hour is gonna fly by before I let you go. Or before I before I hit stop record, I should say. Where is the best place for people to it’s another two part question. Where’s the best place for people to find out more about you, who you are, what you do, what you’re putting out into the world? And also what’s the best way for people to connect with you if they want to reach out maybe, you know, ask you about your coaching or just ask you about anything.
Dimitria Cook 24:48
Okay, so people can find me through my website. It’s black educator coaches.com So www dot black educator coaches.com And you know, you can and send me an email, which is inquire at Black educator coaches.com. You can also find me on LinkedIn, you can find me on my public Facebook page, you can find me on Instagram. And so those are just different avenues in which I have a presence. And so, you know, everyone, please feel free to reach out to me connect with me, I would love to connect with more people and to see how I can continue to help shape the world that we’re in today. So yeah, those are really the main places where people can come find me and reach out.
Kevin Stafford 25:38
That’s excellent. And you said that you put a little whimsical tone in your voice, which may have put a smile on my face too. But I mean, that really is what we’re about. That’s why we’re here. And it’s you know, it’s it’s it’s whimsical, but it’s also it’s it’s what we what we want to do that’s one thing I gotta say I love about a good coaches, and you are absolutely one of them, even though I’ve only known you for 34 minutes, but you like like you were saying, like you put in the work and you develop the intuition and you get the reps and you’d like you do the coaching you do the conversations, you get to know people and you do it hundreds and hundreds of times and eventually get an intuition about people and that’s what makes coaching so powerful. And so it’s also what makes me feel comfortable saying that you were one of the good ones. And I’m very glad that you are out there in the world doing what you do and I’m very grateful that you were here with me today. So thank you
Dimitria Cook 26:22
I really appreciate it this this has been wonderful. And I would love to come again and explore other avenues of coaching
Kevin Stafford 26:29
you’re coming back I’ll hassle you I’ll make myself Wait gotta let some months pass you know, but get let the powder dry out. But yeah, it will be hassle. I’ll be sliding into your LinkedIn DMS or something like that sometime this summer. And we’ll we’ll pick up the conversation again.
Dimitria Cook 26:43
This has been great. Sounds good.
Kevin Stafford 26:45
And to the audience. I mean, you’ve been listening you know, you know what’s what you know what’s good, you know what to do next to link links for everything that’s been spoken about the social media profiles, the website everything will be in the show notes. So just look down there if you want to go anywhere and you know, leave us a comment if you just want a few if you if you’d like to praise Demetria please feel free to do so everywhere you can, including on this podcast. And we will be grateful to talk to you again very soon.
