Robyn Eidelson – Building Awareness & Community | Conversations with Coaches | Boxer Media

Kevin Stafford 0:01
Hello and welcome to the party. Welcome to another episode of the conversations with coaches podcast. I’m your host, Kevin and I say party because I’m already having a honest to goodness delightful time chatting with Robyn Adelson and I can’t wait to get to know her better selfishly personally, but also introduce you, introduce you to her to you, and just kind of explore why she does what he does and how she does what she does. Let me give you a little tiny bit of a taste of who Robin is as a coach. As an executive and leadership coach, Robin is on a mission to help women in management roles lead more boldly by finding their confidence and owning their voice. I love that phrase. To have the impact they dream of. She’s a certified coach who brings her coaching training her MBA from UC Berkeley impressive, and years of work experience to every single call. Robin. I’ve already said this, I think like maybe half dozen times. I’m grateful for you being here today. I’m grateful to be here myself today. I’m excited to talk to you.

Robyn Eidelson 0:58
I am so excited and grateful to be here as well. Kevin, thank you. Let’s get into it.

Kevin Stafford 1:05
Let’s just dive right in. Okay, I’m gonna take you all the way back to the beginning, not the beginning, beginning This isn’t like you know, their therapy sessions like I was born. But the beginning as a coach for you. And now I like to it’s kind of like tongue in cheek sort of joke. Like, I like to ask this question almost like, how did you get your powers? How did you have? What’s your superhero origin story? As a coach, as we, as we discussed a little bit offline, I hold coaching in very, very high regard and consider it almost a superpower. How did you figure out discover who told you at the right moment that coaching was going to be the way that you wanted to have the kind of impact in the world that you wanted to have?

Robyn Eidelson 1:42
I love that question. Well, I think when it first became conscious, and was no longer subconscious, was actually during my MBA, I was actually struggling to find out what is my career passion, what am I meant to do with my life. And I was exploring things that my socialized mind was telling me to explore. But I wasn’t really enjoying. And it was only when I was in my classes around meaningful work coaching, adult learning, leadership development, workshop facilitation, and I was spending hours and hours talking to my friends and family about how important it was for us to feel confident and how we should start thinking about what our own metrics of success success are. And I was talking and talking with such animation and energy. And it had kind of hit me with a lightbulb moment of oh, wait a minute, is, is this what I meant to do? And then it suddenly was like, Yes, actually, I think it is. And I explored it. And I took what I considered at the time to be a big risk, but in reality was just me leaning into something unknown. And I pursued it. And I took coaching into in house work when I was doing leadership development in house and then actually took it full time, when I got laid off in pandemic, and saw a silver lining in a dark cloud and said, Let’s just cut to the chase here. This is what I meant to do. I’m running after it. And I haven’t looked back since.

Kevin Stafford 3:12
Oh, okay, I love that. And I, I especially loved the last part, not the part where you got laid off, but to kind of do, but I kind of do love it though, because it’s almost like what you had done. And this is the hindsight being 2020, which of course, it always is, or often as I should say, is by identifying and discovering that passion you had in you just by looking at like, like, like, like going down into your heart and being like, Man, I keep being excited about this stuff. I should do something about that. And then just pursuing that for a little while it almost more than prepared you it almost positioned you ideally to when things happened when life happened when you got laid off. You weren’t you had already laid the foundation for everything that you were going to do and you were going to become so you’re essentially already ready without you weren’t like you know, in the in the basement and in the preppers basement, do stockpiling canned goods you weren’t that kind of prepared. But you kind of were You were you realize at that moment that I’m already ready for the next thing. And that allows you to like let that gratitude in for an objectively poopy thing that happened to you, at the beginning of the pandemic like it’s, it’s objectively just it’s not it’s a terrible feeling to get laid off. It sucks that even if it’s a job you don’t like, but I just love how you because you had discovered and pursued your passion and really follow that you were prepared to take full advantage of the opportunity.

Robyn Eidelson 4:32
Yeah, and and what I really clicked on is how much that was because I was open to it in honor of my own growth. Even if I wasn’t aware that I was open to it, I think the mindset that I had obtained through coaching and all of these classes, it was really teaching me the value of don’t shut yourself off from opportunities, see what the opportunity is and see where it could serve you and then make a choice When you feel ready to make the choice, and that’s a lot of what I bring to my clients, actually, because oftentimes, you know, we’re stuck in a leadership role. And we feel like we don’t have choice, or we can’t own a decision or own our voice. But the reality is, you can, it’s just about seeing it maybe a little differently, or being open to it. And through that work through that preparation, you can get there.

Kevin Stafford 5:26
I’m so glad you said that, because it’s exactly what I was going to say how your personal experience mirrors what a good coach does for people so, so perfectly, and it really helps them guides people to that, that level of discovery, that awareness, and encourages them empowers them to just, you know, take some action. And obviously, like you can, you can feel that a certain kind of thing might be good for you. Or you can kind of feel almost like the light on your face where there’s like the sun’s coming up. But then there’s that that need to take action, if you really do want to go in that direction. And that’s, I feel like that’s those two sort of parallel paths, where it’s the awareness and the action, that a coach is really just ideally positioned to help someone really embrace. Oh,

Robyn Eidelson 6:11
absolutely. I always tell my clients who come to me with a problem or feeling stuck, and you walk away with a plan, you walk away with a big learning, you walk away with something, you actually get to go and practice, because it’s not enough to just say, Oh, here’s my learning, and then never do anything with it, you really have to lean into it, even if it’s scary, even if it’s hard, even if it’s something you’ve never done before. And make it the known make it less scary, less hard, and more comfortable. So that is a lot of what I love about coaching and why I’m so grateful that I get to do this word.

Kevin Stafford 6:47
So and sometimes and this is sort of like a, as I so often do, I get almost like a little conceptual because I really, I love the the sort of under underneath the surface mechanisms of why people do what they do and don’t do what they don’t do. Sometimes that fear that you feel that riskiness that you feel, is actually like an interpretation of the opportunity that’s right around the corner. It’s I often in my own personal life, and I find myself saying this all the time, that fear and excitement feel very similar in the body, in the heart in the head, behind the eyes. And some I mean, not obviously, it’s not like, you know, don’t be a fear adrenaline junkie. It’s not that. But a lot of times that fear has a message for you. Maybe a secret maybe not so secret, maybe it’s something super duper obvious that you’re just like something about what’s going on in your life. It’s just like, Hey, look here, you know, you know, you’ve skinned your knee, you know, your knee hurts. Maybe you should look at that. I feel a little fear. I feel like a little uncomfortable in my belly. Am I uncomfortable? Because this is dangerous, or am I uncomfortable, because this risks my status quo in some way that maybe I should think about a little bit more, I’d love and again, these are the kinds of conversations I personally I love having for the podcast. But I feel like these are the kinds of conversations you have when you hire a coach, like someone like you, ideally positioned from like the life experience you’ve had, and the training and the skill set you’ve developed to be able to come in without any of the baggage of like, you know, someone a close friend who’s known you for 10 years, because obviously they have their value and benefits too, and can really help you to transition to whatever the next phase is. But having that sort of distance, and the ability to see you and care about you in a way that’s going to be that’s going to meaningfully aid you and figuring out what to do next. I don’t know it’s a it’s a strange alchemy that I find constantly fascinating and how a coach is able to a good coach especially is able to move into that position so quickly, and so well and so effectively for someone.

Robyn Eidelson 8:40
Oh, absolutely. One of my big things is, I always remind myself before I start a coaching session by reminding myself, you don’t know anything, because I have to remind myself, I can’t possibly know what your experiences maybe I’ve gone through something similar, but your experience is always going to be your experience. So what I’m going to do is be very curious about your experience. And I’m going to help you understand your experience, and then what the solution to your experience is for you. Because the robin solution to any of your experiences and problems will never work. And that’s why it ends up being so helpful. And I am very particular with who I work with. Because at the end of the day, I want someone who’s looking for their own solutions for sustainability for the ability to actually make it work for them. Because one of the big things I find is that when I work with women who come to me saying, I’m naturally not comfortable being the loudest person in the room, but I think I have to be I think I just have to be or I feel like I need to just be more demanding. Or maybe I need to just be more strict or mean. And I go Oh, tell me more because the reality is maybe maybe, but most likely no. And if we’re able to actually help you understand you Your experience and the solutions for you, it turns out, maybe you don’t have to do any of those things. And we just have to look at it differently. And now you can actually go be the leader you’re meant to be, own your space, own your voice, and do it in a way that feels good for you without ever having to assume anyone else’s experience, assume anyone elses solutions. I just got really excited, I could keep going back.

Kevin Stafford 10:23
No, I’m, I’m also I want to, I wanna, I want to take this podcast off the rails in a good way. Because the way you’re describing that sort of that sort of state of being like a woman in the workplace, in the professional realm, there’s, there’s almost this low level automated gaslighting that happens. And I’d say I say almost, I am a middle aged white man. So as the default setting in this society, there’s, there’s only so much understanding that I could have, but it’s something I just want you once you see it, you kind of realize it’s everywhere. All these little narratives that get internalized, especially for women in the workplace, where it’s like you, how do how do I how do I modify my behavior to better accommodate XYZ? Again, I could I could completely take the podcast off the rails and just let you talk for an hour and a half on that on that subject alone and just be getting to the, you know, scratching the surface tip of the iceberg. But I, I will, I will, I will suffice it to say that I love that this is a particular point of focus for you. Because I feel like we need we need coaches in this particular area to help to help women navigate these, these gas lady waters. That’s not the only problem with the waters. But yeah, that’s something that jumps out at me the most. Once I once I saw it, I can’t stop seeing it everywhere, because it’s everywhere.

Robyn Eidelson 11:38
Yes, absolutely. And for some they’re aware of it. And for some, they’re not. But it’s there. And it’s not enough to say what do I do, it’s also an element of how do I see when it’s happening. So that I can bring my own awareness and make actions and choices on my own, that better serve me and those around me and the teams that I’m responsible for. And the people whom I mentor and the cross functional partners who rely on me, because it’s almost a metaphor that I like to use is, it’s like you’re trying to run a race, but they put blinders on you like a horse. So you actually almost can’t see the full picture, you only get to see a small portion of it. And they’re asking you to run it like everyone else who doesn’t have blinders on.

Kevin Stafford 12:25
Like they’re asking you to run the track, and also operate the facility, and also take baths and also run the kitchen and serve drinks and also manage the parking. Wait. But you put the blinders on me was so Wait, what what what is it you need?

Robyn Eidelson 12:40
Absolutely. It’s it’s an unfair system. But if I get to help an incredible ambitious, amazing woman who has so much potential, do what she is capable of. And just be aware of the blinders and maybe even take them off. Check. I’m an I’m, I’m so happy. That’s it?

Kevin Stafford 12:59
Well, we were pretty much already talking about this. But I’ll go ahead and formalize it with a question anyway. And this is I like to add one is a two parter because I feel like it gets to it sounds like I’ve almost got you in like an interrogation room. But I feel like it gets right to the heart of like how you operate as a coach today? Who do you coach? And how do you coach them? The who I mean, obviously, we’ve been talking about who this entire time. But if there’s anything specific not just personal attributes, like people who are like, you know, coachable is a word that gets thrown around a lot? Or do you focus on women at particular levels, or in particular industries, climbing particular ladders, or particular rungs of a certain ladder? Depending on whether or not there’s a ladder at the company that says Are there you know, entrepreneurs that you coach, et cetera, et cetera? All the way down the down the list? And then the how is Do you primarily focus on just one to one coaching, where it’s you and your and your coachee? In the room? kind of working through your frameworks and discovering and formulating a plan? Do you do any team coaching? Do you do a executive like C suite coaching? I mean, I know you do. But I’m asking because I want you to talk about it. So who do you coach and how do you coach them today?

Robyn Eidelson 14:01
Great question. Okay, who do I coach? Well, yes, I’ve focused primarily on women, I would say they’re usually in mid management levels, actually, because it’s someone who’s in a senior manager role, maybe even a director role looking to go higher. But feeling that level of I can’t seem to get past this, I’m a little stuck, or I don’t know how to think about that next level, or I’m feeling not enough confidence to go after it. They’ll use a lot of terms like impostor syndrome is very common when I hear a lot. There’s a certain level of how do I brand myself as a leader, how do I think at that level of leadership, because as we all know, being a manager is a big jump from IC, but being a manager of managers or even an executive who has to hold so much. That’s another big jump. So they’ll talk about that. And then oftentimes, they’ll also talk about it. don’t feel confident that’s a word they’ll use, I don’t feel like I have the experience or expertise, when in reality they do. And we just have to hone that and help them communicate that and lean into it. So that’s a lot of who I looked for, I look for little things like that willingness to jump after big, hairy, scary things. I look at, you know, someone who already has a lot of responsibility, but imagine something very bigger, or stronger or more exciting for themselves. And then how I coach them, mostly, I do one on one work, because what I love is getting deep into the nitty gritty. And I love getting into that level where you’re, you’re almost, it feels therapeutic, but it’s actually still very much focused on and what’s next. But I do other things, I do workshops, I do C suite code coaching. Yes, absolutely. And then I do group coaching. So sometimes it’s actually about community building. That’s not necessarily that these women need one person to see them. But they need to know they are part of a group of people who are in the same place in the same experience. And just by being seen in that way, can feel a different level of connection and support, and even confidence boosting than they can with just one. So I do a lot of that level. And then I’m even thinking about other things. I’ve been toying with building a group program and accelerator program, I just think that there’s so much that can be done, especially now as we’re leaving the pandemic level, we can’t be in person, what can we do with more in person connection? What can we do with more experiential, you know, type of coaching, that would help integrate these big things that we’ve taken deep within us and bring them out and let them be aired out, and maybe even left behind. So that’s all big thinking I’m doing but I’m just here to make sure that that kind of woman who is really ready to go to the next level, they get the support and the opportunity to see that happen.

Kevin Stafford 17:08
Really, I really love everything that you just laid out. There’s one thing that I particularly drew me and that got me really excited as as a way of looking at things and that something that you didn’t, you kind of hinted that we haven’t like called out specifically, I mean, you kind of have but the word isolation, that sense of isolation where you are, you feel like you are alone, at least partially because the structures under which you’re operating are kind of designed to make you feel that way. And just obviously being the coach to come in and kind of like wake help someone to awaken to the fact that they are not alone, because you’re there. And then they’re not alone, because there are a whole bunch of the two of you out there closer than you think, who also need the same kind of awareness, that same kind of breaking down of those isolations removal of those blinders, so that they can at the very least see all the other people around them who are struggling with and persevering through the same challenges. And then figuring out how to best help each other get through as I get almost like a little bit of tingle in my chest. When I talk about I’m getting like a little bit of a tingle because it’s like it’s so it’s so powerful. And then that’s that’s that’s a weak word for such a powerful a powerful development, but that sense of awareness of each other, that coaching like yours, sparks. And I actually sparks might be better, because it really can catch fire in all the right ways.

Robyn Eidelson 18:32
Oh, yes, I often think of it when I reflect on my own experience. To me, it speaks of belonging, a sense of how do I fit into the greater picture? But also, where’s my group? Where’s my connection with others? And if you can’t feel it with those whom you already work with? Can you build it with those who are in maybe a similar to you experience a similar set of pain? Maybe? And then can you all build a better support better builder build a better future together than you could apart? And I so believe in that I’ve seen the power of that. And even now as I’m exploring this, I’m seeing it happen. I’m like, This is it. This is where it needs to happen. Because at the end of the day, you know, there’s so much wisdom out there, but even just knowing that you aren’t the only one experience that even that might be enough to unlock something. And it’s worth exploring if that’s if that’s going to do it for you.

Kevin Stafford 19:35
Yeah, your your pains and your passions will bring you together, your purpose will bring you forward. And that’s that’s what I love about this kind of community building. It’s just it really I mean, I think that term community gets tossed around a lot. And at least in part because it is that important. It is it is the lifeblood of everything that we do. A human being detached from from the world around them is a human being who is suffering from endlessly, but being able to build those connections and again, come together on your pains and on your, on your passions, because it’s not just those pains, because sometimes you can get together and you kind of have a rant session, which, you know, venting can be a very important part of creating the space you need to grow. Sometimes you got to, like, get some of that hot air out. But also uniting on your passion. It’s like, where do you want to go where you have this desire, you have these ambitions and these, these these passions is really the best word for and I love coming together on those grounds. And then with some guidance, both coaching and also self generated, because again, it spark catches fire, you figure out your your purposes and your ways forward together, and you start rowing in alignment, even if you’re in you know, separate, separate industries or at different rungs in the ladder, or different areas of the country or the world even. And you find yourself in rhythm with your community. And there’s like, I think about the times, whenever I’ve just, you know, been on a team of any kind, and everything is for lack of a better term clicking, everybody knows what that feeling is like, because you know what that feeling is that flow state, you can call it all sorts of different, all sorts of different things. And when you have that kind of clicking that kind of rhythm, that kind of alignment with your community, you’ve discovered them and you’re moving together forward. There’s just, there’s just nothing like it. I know, I’m doing that thing that I said that I was gonna do where I started to like waxing almost romantic about it, but really is nothing like it.

Robyn Eidelson 21:23
Yeah, I know. And that’s why people, they will go to a workshop, they’ll read a book, they’ll listen to a podcast, they’ll do almost anything to figure out how to find that out for themselves. That’s why people come to me for coaching, how do I get into my flow state, but the reality is we crave it because there’s that sense of energy, but also momentum, as you said, and then effortlessness, I hear a lot of clients use that word, it feels almost effortless, when you’re in that state. And we all crave that which not only feels good, but is achieving our goals, and isn’t as hard, right? I’m not afraid of hard things. I like to tell clients and help them see that hard things are not bad. But would we all rather it was easier? Heck, yeah. So if you can achieve that, and feel that more often and more easily get in there. Yeah. And so having that sense of connection with the community, and I’m going to add the word chosen community, because I think that’s important. The community you’ve chosen and home chooses you, you get there faster, you find those ways, because you’re not trying to wade through the mud of, okay, what do we all have in common? And how does this work, you’re now steps ahead, and you’re now all rowing in the same direction, you’re gonna get through that mud to the other side, way faster, and way more easily.

Kevin Stafford 22:41
Yeah, and we, we love hard work. I mean, we wouldn’t be doing what we’re doing. If we didn’t have something in us that loved hard work. We just want the things that are hard to be hard. And the things that can impossibly should be easy to be easy, and not just want to create hard work for the sake of hard work, we want to save our best efforts for the hard work to come, you know.

Robyn Eidelson 23:00
Yes. And that’s also a part of it, too, is knowing that distinction. And then knowing when you are making the easy hard for yourself, and how to reclaim that energy in that mind space. So you can save it for the hard stuff. That is also part of finding your flow. Because yeah, you’ll never nothing will ever be where everything is easy. But how do you make sure that you are keeping your energy and your mind space and all that for what you need it to be focused on so that you can really conquer it. That is also part of the the game I like to call it

Kevin Stafford 23:35
the game. Speaking of the game, I have to play the podcast host game and I just my eyes is dotted up to the Zoom clock. And as as suspected, I have so thoroughly enjoyed this conversation that I almost lost track of time, which is one of my favorite feelings in the world as a podcast host, but I also get like that feeling I’m falling like some like, oh, no, I have to get this person out of here. They’ve got stuff to do, they’ve got people to coach. So before I let you go very unwillingly, but I will do so where can people kind of get a two parter? Where can people find out more about you there’s want to learn more about who you are, what you do, why you do what you do just kind of discover more about you as a person and he was a coach. And if it’s different or distinct, where can they best connect with you if they want to schedule a meeting, schedule a conversation, start a relationship, you know, pay you lots of money immediately to come in and help them in their team in their, in their, in their groups in their organizations. So yeah, where can people learn more? And where can people do the thing that I know they want to do and start a conversation with you.

Robyn Eidelson 24:32
Okay, great questions. The three easiest ways to get ahold of me Well, I do have a website Robin Adelson. coaching.com my LinkedIn is actually one of my favorite places to be because I had built a chosen community there so you can find me on LinkedIn and if you message me, I will be thrilled and happy to talk. And then of course you can always shoot me an email at Robin idols and coaching@gmail.com and actually I’m very all of very comfortable, very excited to meet with someone and talk more, we could hop on the phone or a zoom, I’m always down to meet with people and hear more about their story and their, their goals and how we can help them get there. Because you know, everyone’s got some unique, interesting thing to them. And I’m always curious and eager to find out what that is. So those are, I think, are the three ways to get a hold of me, if you want to learn more.

Kevin Stafford 25:27
All right, I will probably be bothering you on at least LinkedIn in the not too distant future. Also, I’m gonna go ahead and just put plant this flag right now I would love to have you back on. Like before, before 23 wraps I know we’re already more than halfway through which I’m still emotionally wrapping my my, my my heart around, that we’re already in like mid July. But I would love to have you back on. I’ve loved this conversation, I love both how we’re able to explore fearlessly a complex or difficult to grasp topics in a way that’s meaningful, and always lead to, and this is how you take action. And these are your next steps. And this is this is why we’re doing what we’re doing. And this is how that ability to have that kind of conversation in a relatively just minuscule amount of time. It’s what I had hoped from hoped for from you and what I have had my expectations exceeded on so long way around. I’m doing the waxing poetic thing again. I’m going to have you back on. But I’m also just really glad I got a chance to talk to you today. So I’m grateful and anticipating.

Robyn Eidelson 26:23
I would love that. Yes, let’s do it. And I’m so grateful for this conversation. It has given me so much energy and been a real highlight. So good. Thank you. I’m so glad I was here to have this great conversation with you.

Kevin Stafford 26:35
Awesome, okay, on that on that warm fuzzy note. I will say goodbye to you. I will say goodbye to the audience. You know what to do next, reach out to Robin connect with her. At the very least you’re going to be glad that you had a conversation with her if it’s five seconds, five minutes, five hours, five days, five lifetimes, whatever it happens to be. Do the right thing. Reach out to Robin also do the right thing and you know, find us here again real soon. I love having conversations like this. I love being able to share them with you so to to the audience. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for continuing to be here and we will get a chance to talk to you again very soon. Can’t wait