Kevin Stafford 0:02
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of the conversations with coaches podcast. I am your host, Kevin already having a very fine conversation with our guest today, Carol Stiva. We probably won’t talk about it here on the pod, but we had a just a lovely conversation about pet ownership that I quite frankly have already gotten a great deal out of. And now I just want to after we’re done recording, I have to go up and snuggle my cats and be grateful they’re not puppies. But, but this is about Carol. So let me introduce you to Carol. As an executive leadership coach, Carol has spent over 25 years studying the differences between corporate and military leadership, fascinating, identifying the best practices or both. She uses a proven process to elevate her clients clarity, and claiming what sets them apart from other leaders defining their next steps, and leading with more influence, more creativity, and more courage. Carol, I already like you because personally, I’m really glad to have you on the podcast today. So we can talk about what you do and how you do it. So thanks.
Carole Stizza 0:57
Well, thanks. That was very generous intro. I always get humbled by people like okay, you can shorten that it’s okay, you can shorten
Kevin Stafford 1:09
a highlight to the gratitude becomes the foundation of the podcast after a while I’ve been doing this for a little while. But after it didn’t take very long for me to realize how lucky I was to be able to do this, to just talk with coaches about what they’re passionate about. It’s just within a matter of like seconds. I’m just already like, what am I going to learn today? Now Murali immediately, like overwhelmed with gratitude. And then I have stuff to think about and journal about all day. So without further ado, let’s jump into it. Let’s, let’s go back now all the way back. Just back a little ways to your origin story. As a coach in particular, like how did you get your How did you get your powers as a superhero, so to speak, who maybe told you or gave you the word coach that kind of describes something you were already doing? What was the opportunity or the pivot that you took? That really got you on this path to becoming the coach you are today?
Carole Stizza 2:00
Well, the short story. I was in the middle of consulting as an HR consultant, several small businesses, they were, you know, within one to 3 million, had a decent sized staff. And one day they came in, they go, you know, we hired a coach. And then we fired that coach, because we get more out of working with you as an HR consultant. And then I looked at the books and I knew what they paid that coach. And I go, Wait a minute, I alongside of this multiplication equation, because they’re hiring, firing and coming back, because they get more from me. And I know what the difference is what they’re paying me as a consultant versus what they paid that coach. That is like the writing was on the big concrete wall of a 10 storey building that, okay, I have a gift. I’m just in the wrong industry trying to use it.
Kevin Stafford 2:52
Hmm. Ah, such a such powerful insight. Well, yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s the same insight, but it’s got two powerful facets, where it’s like, I know who I am and what I have to offer. And now I know how best to go about it. And it’s really like, it bumps up into that really, like, thorny question that like so many entrepreneurs, especially coaches bumped into is how how to how much to value how to value monetarily, what you have to offer, and it’s so difficult I, I’ve talked to dozens of coaches who are, who are they’re very successful, and they still tripped over that, because it’s such a hard, like, thorny question to answer for yourself. Well, I
Carole Stizza 3:29
think we all judge our value based on our own personal budgets. Mm hmm. And instead, I had to step out of that, like many and talk with and get to really know some of my best clients ever. And say, you know, what was the easy part about hiring a coach? What was the hard part? And they go, the easy part is paying for it. The hard part is doing the work. And I said, and I thought to myself, here, I was thinking the hard part was pricing myself. And the easy part is doing the work. And I’m not looking at this the same way. My true clients are looking at this. And that’s, you know, another one was aha moments, and we will all argue, what to pay for coach. And really, I have come to the point where people don’t really care what the cost is, if the results they get are more valued. Hmm.
Kevin Stafford 4:27
So that’s a personal question. Yeah, it’s a personal question, but such a universal answer
Carole Stizza 4:32
is, but you have to look at your client if they’re driving a car. That is, you know, worth my annual salary. They’re not going to flinch. At my typical pricing. If I’m talking to somebody who’s just lost a spouse is going through upheaval at home is trying to reach a leadership role because they need the income. Then I’m going to say okay, do you do does your organization have a professional development budget that will offset the cost of my coaching price. And so we start to offer ways to, for them to rationalize the hard choice that they, okay, they don’t want to be in this alone, they want a partner, a coach is a great partner. How do I rationalize paying for this service because this is the results I want to get. And again, it doesn’t matter what you charge if you deliver results. They’re happy, whatever it was,
Kevin Stafford 5:27
yeah, it’s it’s a return on investment, unlike almost any other kind of investment you can make because of how, how much it changes the way that you not just look at the world button, move in the world and interact with the world and grow into the world and grow into yourself. It really, it’s why I’m why I’m very grateful to have this podcast because I’ve become so more than just admiring about this, the house gonna say services about the value of coaching in the world and what it could do for the way that people value themselves value their work value each other. And how that then manifests and radiates out and has this exponential impact on the way people are living their lives. It’s just I find it to be just, I mean, necessary, I think is a word that I’ve started thrown around a lot. And it really it feels more and more necessary, the farther along we go.
Carole Stizza 6:13
But I think your your word, your use of the word necessary, made me you know, immediately the bubble that popped up for me is there is not one single professional athlete, there’s not one single, high end CEO, there is not one single Olympian doesn’t have a coach, and they have several, they’ve got a physical coach, they’ve got a mental health coach, they’ve got a motivational coach, not one person can do all that. So if somebody is trying to do something really big, really hard, and everybody can do hard. They just don’t want to do it by themselves. So a coach becomes that thought partner that challenges their thinking challenges or limiting beliefs, challenges, the stories they have in their head that they’ve made up, to hold themselves back because it felt safe. We’ve all been there. It’s easier for an outside objective person to poke holes in the stories that you live with at work, and challenge him in such a way and so we become your Olympic athlete, your NBA coach, because that’s, that’s the game you’re in at work is your see Olympics for you. And I don’t think we give ourselves enough space, to give ourselves credit to be that type of a person associated with a high end athlete behind Olympian. And yet, we are all in the game to win by the end of the day, to really feel like we’ve learned grown and improved.
Kevin Stafford 7:53
Yeah, you just gave me a couple of thought bubbles of my own. One of them was a little metaphor is like, a lot of times an important question from a coach will be what does success look like for you? Where like you’re trying to figure out what success will look like for that person, what they try what they’re trying to achieve? And in my head, it just flipped over to what’s your gold medal? What’s your gold medal look like? And it’s such a good it’s such an open question that is nevertheless very specific and makes you get specific about what that actually looks like. And reminds me to have like your, for lack of a better term, your qualifying question when you were talking to people about what what’s the easiest part of getting a coach? And what’s the hardest part of getting coaching? And it’s one again, it’s a pretty broad question that nevertheless forces you to get real specific about where you’re uncomfortable, where you’re ready, where it’s where you’ve got some tightness where you get some looseness. And I just love how you I mean, you’re basically you’re, you’re manifesting coaching right here in this conversation, like the way that you’re framing yourself the way that you’re phrasing your questions and how representative that is of good coaching. I’m just I’m I’m getting lots of like, responsive thought bubbles to everything you’re saying. So I just wanted to I just want to do I wanted to call that out.
Carole Stizza 9:00
Well, I appreciate that. Because I think the hardest thing, and I struggled with this too, when you first start on your journey of putting yourself out in the world as a coach, you think you can coach everybody? And like, Well, okay, you probably could, but you shouldn’t, because you have some specific gifts, some specific industry knowledge, some specific, you know, things that you are very, very, very passionate about. So the quicker unit, I can’t go hire Michael Jordan to go play cricket. I probably could probably great at it no matter what. But if you’re an Olympic athlete, you pick a sport at a specific a specific specific time in your life where you could achieve it. As a coach, you need to be no different than a professional athlete that picks your sport that picks your team picks your position and does it so well because that’s where you start, but it’s not where you have to stay. But you have to be able to start at a place where your friends and your colleagues will be at a cocktail party, and they hear something, and they immediately think of you and only you. What is that? Because that’s what makes it so easy to support your, your business as a coach. You know, it’s, it’s okay, that’s where you need to go. And people have a hard time niching for fear of missing out on clients, and I go, it’s okay to say no, because there are going to be people who drive you crazy. That shouldn’t be, you know, someone said, the wrong client is like trying to talk to a raccoon trapped in a bag. A lot of work involved in no success.
Kevin Stafford 10:47
Yeah, and lots of blood scratches, right?
Carole Stizza 10:52
The longer I’ve stayed in coaching, the braver I get, and truly saying, here are the people that I’m passionate about helping. And yes, if they refer me to somebody else, and we’re a good fit great doesn’t matter if they fit into this little niche. But the people in the niche, know what I’m like, and now can refer me from that. I think people need to look at crafting their coaching business accordingly.
Kevin Stafford 11:20
And I think it’s such a good, such a good thing to shine light on and draw attention to, especially for coaches, because I think you identified correctly that most, most coaches, most good coaches kind of have an understanding that like, Sure, I can coach pretty much anybody. And that’s because they’re good at what they do. Just like a lot of athletes who are like they’re like high level athletes are generally pretty good athletes, like they can probably run pretty fast and pretty long, they can probably swim pretty well. There’s like lots stuff that they’re okay at. But what they really excel at is what they’re trying to discover. And I feel like that’s a great piece of advice for a coach because it is it does take bravery, to hold that question open and stay in that process of discovery and keep seeking, not just what you’re okay at, not just what you’re even good at. But what you’re great at what where you’re truly going to have the kind of impact that you want to have. And it’s gonna be scary to say no, until you get some reps on that and sort of realizing how powerful that no is, and how much that serves fit. And you’re going to start to really appreciate how important fit is to avoiding the raccoons and sacks. And getting to the people who you can really do the great work with it’s so again, it’s so relatively simple. When you lay it out like this, and you talk about it. It’s like, oh, that’s kind of borderline common sense. But also, it’s really hard to like accept it, and see how it applies to your life and then put it into practice and hold the line and stay patient.
Carole Stizza 12:39
The hardest thing for a coach is to follow their own coaching. Mm hmm. The hardest thing for anybody, even leaders is to walk their own talk, so that they really understand that they’re proving it. And it’s I have to remind myself no different than everybody else. When you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else. What is it? You’re saying no to? And if you say no, to the wrong clients, you’re saying yes, to more time to find the right ones. And again, if you’re making decisions based out of fear, that’s a whole different conversation. So my goodness, are there.
Kevin Stafford 13:19
Yeah, but what it’s one that I want to have with you. But also, this conversation has already flown by and we have we’ve barely we barely scratched the surface of you and your your coaching practice and who you are. So at least for a couple minutes, talk a little bit about who you coach, how you coach them, like what your practice looks like today. And then where people can just find out more about you connect with you maybe do some business with you get your coaching just like give me they’ll give me the whole thing in in a few minutes. 90 seconds, go.
Carole Stizza 13:46
Sure, sure. Let’s start with how to find me. So then Carol with an E citize, sgic, za on LinkedIn. Let me know that you heard this podcast and start a conversation. I have a website relevant dash insight.com. And happy to we’re always updating the content on that website isn’t everybody. And I think what’s interesting, I have been blessed to coach, just some brilliant people, women who are becoming Dean’s of universities, men who are stepping into you know, cmo and CFO roles that are just very, very ambitious. And I love people that have those that they can verbalize the goal. But where I’m really, really passionate is women who are aspiring to hit the C suite level and military leaders who have transitioned into a corporate role. Those are two very distinct places that I’m very passionate about. One we have a pipeline gap for women when they start their career and women at the top because and combat pandemic did not help that case at all. And so understanding What got in the way and what created that gap is a real passion point for me. But having followed and supported my husband and his military career, the moment a military leader who’s had a ton of leadership training steps into a corporate setting, who has not had any type of that same training that they have had hits a culture wall, and that culture wall, I know how to navigate. So it’s been really brilliant to just sit and talk with people who are in those positions, and really work through what’s getting in the way and having them overcome it and just be really joyful. And there their next roles.
Kevin Stafford 15:39
Oh, man, I see. Both of those are, they’re both such valuable gaps. And areas of great need to be in because I’m just, I think about like, all of that leadership skill that someone who’s who’s had a full career in the military, they’ve got so much high level skill as a leader that just needs a little help to translate. It’s like being fluent like beautiful, like poetically fluent in a language, and then going somewhere with a language. It’s like it’s based, it’s like a Latin based language. It’s similar. But you got to learn to learn the tenses and the verbs. And there’s a whole there’s cultural differences. And like, if we could just figure out how to get you conversant in this new language, all of the all that poetic fluency will translate. It’s just, ah, so much, so much gold there. That’s just kind of excites me. And we could we could talk all day about the the far too skinny pipeline of women moving up to the C suite. At CES. There’s a lot of work to be done there. And yeah, well, like I said, like I said, we could talk about that that alone for hours and hours. But I’m very glad that that’s, that’s a place you have found, Tom focus because we need it.
Carole Stizza 16:43
Well, what’s interesting, and I’ll just add this little 15 seconds is that the missing conversation that has created that gap for women, is that at the very beginning of careers, men are talked about or talked to about the money. And women are always talked to about the people. Because all the research that’s been done on leadership is all about men. So men have trouble with people, women don’t. But they forgot that men are automatically talked about return on investment. How is this affecting the bottom dollar, how’s this, women have been left out of that conversation. So now it’s up to women to ask to be part of the business acumen, conversations, which is always going to be money. So lean in two conversations that deal with anything about money, and get that business acumen. And that will fill that pipeline faster.
Kevin Stafford 17:33
This is like ripping a band aid off I like I have I want to just any half dozen of the different things we talked about, I want to speak with you for so much longer on, I’m gonna have to have you back on that’s just, that’s just fine. I’m going to have to pester you on LinkedIn and email you later on and have you on for another one in a couple of months. This has been he’s left leave left me wanting a lot more like You’ve left me really hungry for more. And I have a feeling that’s going to translate to the audience as well. So thanks. Thank you for being here. Thank you for taking the time today. Thank you for sharing puppy stories with me today before I hit record. I’m so grateful for your time and for everything in any of those. Well, thank you to Carol, thank you to the audience for listening. Just do yourself a favor and find out more about Carol link to all the links will be in the show notes for the episode. And we will talk to you again here very soon.
Carole Stizza 18:21
I look forward I’d love to come back and have a I love these short conversations that we can just hit on something really hard. So thanks. Thanks for having me on. And I hope you have an amazing week.
Kevin Stafford 18:32
I know I will. And I think we will. So thanks
